Ten Things About Writing Most Writers Don't Love

by Pat Stoltey, who loves writing most of the time:

1. Writing takes an enormous amount of time with no guarantee of success. The best advice a writer receives is “Don’t give up your day job.”

2. In order to get published, a writer must write a whole book, revise it multiple times, self-edit the final draft until it shines, then make another round of revisions and editing changes (or two) to satisfy an agent and/or editor.

3. Finding an agent and/or publisher could take years because the competition is fierce, the submission process is cumbersome, and writers are prone to procrastination.

4. Many agents and editors don’t send confirmations when they receive a query or partial, and many don’t send rejection notices. They employ other torture devices as well: offering pitch sessions and slush pile critiques at conferences, taking submissions only on referrals, or conducting public floggings (often called critiques) on their blogs.

5. Once a contract is signed with a traditional publisher, it can still take eighteen months or more for the book to be released (assuming the publisher doesn’t go out of business before the release date, opening the whole new problem of getting your rights back).

6. Self-publishing gets a book published faster, but there are additional expenses involved and the amount of time required for book promotion is even greater. You still won’t be able to quit your day job.

7. The publishing and bookselling industries are changing so fast it takes hours of reading to keep up. Hours of time you don’t have, by the way.

8. Non-writers think all writers make a lot of money. This one always cracks me up.

9. Most writers don’t make a lot of money. Many writers spend more money on editors, supplies, organization dues and conferences, and book promotion than they make in advances and royalties.

10. If a writer gets lucky and produces a bestseller, he will be inundated with requests for free books, blurbs, whole manuscript critiques, public appearances, blog posts, interviews, and money. Success at last?

Snow Write and the Seven Thwarts!

by Janet Fogg

Heigh ho, heigh ho, it’s off to write we go!

Some days of writing are true bliss, filled with beautiful forest creatures and a trill of heavenly lyrics as words cascade from my fingers. Then (harrumph!) there are days when I wonder which of the Seven Thwarts I’m channeling. Or is it the Jealous Queen?

When Doc’s in charge he always lets my characters take 90 degree turns. Who gave those minor characters permission to become so interesting? Doc! Doesn’t he know they shouldn’t overshadow my hero and heroine? You’re a pain, Doc, and it’s about time someone told you that to your face. Why don’t you fall in love with the wrong person or jump off that cliff? And where did that puppy come from? He’s not in this story!

Ah, Grumpy, I hate it when you visit, you old sourpuss. On those days not one sentence turns out well. I stare out the window, look in the refrigerator, start laundry, go for a walk, clean the bathroom, check my email, and look at Facebook. Again and again. Any excuse will do. Sigh. But… even though it’s painful, if I wrestle you down the mineshaft and return to my computer, when I re-read those forced sentences my prose isn’t too bad. So why are you so cranky, anyway? Just go away.

Happy, you’re hysterical! It’s good to stop and have a party! But the real joy of your visits finds me “in the groove.” Words flow like the wind. New ideas, details, exciting resolutions for my characters, it’s so much fun! I should forewarn you though, in a month or so when I’m working on my science fiction manuscript again, you should probably take that tickle trip to Disney. Okay? No joke.

Sleepy? I don’t need no stinkin’ sleep! That’s why I get up at three or four in the morning to write, work on marketing materials, blog, and answer emails. You know I’ve never been a good sleeper and I relish the silent dark in the wee hours of the morn. Sleepy, I’m sorry, but you and I will never get along. Go take a nap.

The trees will be pollinating soon, Sneezy. Lucky you. Unlucky me. But I was also thinking about the days when I feel positively allergic to my writing, when anything that flows from my brain makes my skin crawl and my eyes itch. Let me get a new box of tissues so I can start again, after I clean off my computer screen. Gesundheit!

Dopey? Have you been partying with Happy again? Silly boy. You two should corner Grumpy and see what you can do. Oh, and you can always drop by when I’m writing these blogs. It’s a hoot! Let’s plan another play-date soon.

Me? Bashful? In my heart I think so. Modest, at least, even though in public I’m pretty darn good at wearing that professional face I designed so long ago. Yes, it’s absolutely true that I don’t like talking about myself. Don’t get me wrong, I like people, I like to hang out, but I like to listen. Could my written words just speak for me? Please? I spend most of my days with my characters, listening to them, creating their worlds. Creating worlds? That's powerful stuff. Takes nerve to do that. Guess I’m not that bashful. So what does that make me? Hey, don’t answer that!

Shhh… Here comes the Jealous Queen! She’s scary. I whip out my wand, demand that she ignore reviews and rankings and awards, but sometimes she just snarls at me and heads to the grocery store for more hairspray. It’s not easy to confront her. I know though, if I stop worrying about whether I’m revealing some horrid side of myself, my writing will improve, be more honest. When I’m fearless I see Snow Write reflected in my mirror and in my writing. Once upon a time my words (dare I say it?) will be the fairest of them all. It’ll be okay to pat myself on the back and whisper, “Well done. You did your best.” Or does that only happen in a fairy tales?