tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25822740042966388522024-02-07T18:32:47.938-07:00Chiseled in RockThe best site for writers in the blogosphere!Chiseled in Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02545077591839974850noreply@blogger.comBlogger634125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2582274004296638852.post-6656181645871458892021-04-22T18:25:00.003-06:002021-04-22T18:37:25.059-06:00Feeling No Pain from Migraines<p><img alt="The Migraine Brain By Carolyn Bernstein" height="382" src="https://productimages.worldofbooks.com/1439150354.jpg" width="237" /></p><p>Hopefully, you will gain some advantage from my humble two cents on how I beat migraines. Disclaimer: I fully well expect to have another one because there are floating variables involved. But man, just slowing the frequency, as you know or possibly will know, is huge. I think my friends and family are tickled, not so much because they're glad to see me without angry skull monsters, but because I was bitchy to them during the headaches. LOL.</p><p>This is posted on my writer's blog because there was a lot to share and I didn't know where else to put it. Besides, this is writing, one of my passions, and I'm stoked to help you out if it will work for you. I'm not a doctor, another disclaimer. I just tried different remedies for about 30 years. (BTW, I DID go to a doctor in my 30s and she just prescribed medication - I wanted to nix them without pharmaceuticals as you'd probably love as well.) The book above, by a doctor who suffers from the skull crushers also, greatly advanced my personal studies. In fact, my frequency went down to about every 4 to 6 weeks.</p><p>You will more than likely benefit from at least an adaptation of the remedy that worked for me if you...</p><p>1) Skip breakfast a lot</p><p>2) Feel like food somehow triggers them</p><p>3) Get loopy from low blood sugar</p><p>4) Put off or forget to eat for long periods</p><p>5) Exercise </p><p>6) Eat light meals</p><p>7) Like your sweets</p><p>I have a LOT of friends who try to stay healthy and are plagued with migraines. Hint hint. Don't worry. You don't have to give up ice cream. In fact, let's get one thing on the table. I LOVE junky food. Cheap sandwich cookies, chili dogs, pork rinds, I'll eat them until I die. But I don't eat them a lot. I'm not telling you this to brag or bore you. It had to do with me decoding my reactions. There were times I could pig out on chips sandblasted in MSG, drink a Coca Cola (I love them, but only chug about 2 per month), and eat Chinese food all in one setting and be fine. So, maybe like you, I wondered why could I do that sometimes, and in other situations it killed me.</p><p>Throughout my life, it's been easy to regiment a very sensible menu for a work week. I prepare all meals on Sunday and eat the same thing all week, usually pretty 'healthy' high protein stuff. I'm not a health nut, but I try to watch intake and I'm a runner. It's also cheaper. For instance, one week's lunch may be burritos (beans, beef, corn, tortilla, onions, pesto, hot sauce). One of my favorites for years and no head banging from them. Costs about two bucks a day.</p><p>After Thanksgiving on many occasions though, I got migraines from turkey sandwiches, but the Thanksgiving dinner itself made me feel great. Hint hint.</p><p>I'll get more to how I solved the mystery in a bit. With these menus (or similar ones) I was able to go migraine free for three months--I felt so good I didn't even realize it was that long. Give it consideration or a try.</p><p>Week One</p><p>Breakfast: burrito made of eggs, sausage with no MSG, cheese, and flour tortilla. 2 cups of coffee.</p><p>Lunch: salad made of chicken breasts, walnuts, spinach, sugar free dressing. Also a couple of handfuls of blueberries.</p><p>Dinner: Hummus and Triscuits.</p><p>Week Two</p><p>Breakfast: Whole grain oatmeal (I like Bob's Red Mill), a little chunk of cheese, hash brown patty, 3 or 4 thin ham slices. 2 cups of coffee.</p><p>Lunch: Hamburger quarter pound- no cheese plenty of protein here, pickles (actually any vegetables you want) mustard on a whole wheat bun. Add an apple and plum.</p><p>Dinner: Chili.</p><p>*I eat lunch twice, same thing both times. Actually, you can feel free to eat as much of any of that menu as you want if you're still feeling hungry. Too much is not the problem. My portions, however, are pretty skimpy from the 1st looks of them, then I'm full and it amazes me that I can sustain 4 to 5 hours.</p><p>Some other things to take into account because migraines are about body chemistry: I drink lots of water and go to bed at the same time each night with 6 to 8 hours of slumber. Also, I manage stress through meditation and believe me, I'm VERY high strung. Lastly, I don't smoke. Those all impact migraines one way or another.</p><p><b>If your lifestyle is similar to mine, AND you sustain on the suggested meal plan without a migraine, you're very probably a low blood sugar migraineur like myself.</b> I am not diabetic nor hypoglycemic. In the publication I've recommended, I was struck (and I believe the doctor alluded to this) how much migraines are like diabetes. Because I work on my feet, exercise, and have a fairly jazzed metabolism, I have to eat a lot. Like a horse as a matter of fact...which leads me to how the mystery was solved.</p><p><i>It always blew my mind that I could consume the prescribed diet the day before a colonoscopy (chicken broth, clear juices, Jello) and not get a headache although I knew damn well that I have to eat a lot. </i>So, I tried that diet again one day--without the subsequent colonoscopy, LOL--and I outwitted the migraines again. Protein. Sugar. Hint hint. </p><p>Turkey sandwiches had no sugar. The Thanksgiving dinner had natural sugars though in cranberry sauce, corn, and sweet potatoes. (Not to mention desserts, but I'll get to that in a bit).</p><p>I tried the Keto or Paleo (can't remember which, but they were both high protein) and the first day I got a headache. When I modified the diet with some whole grain breads, adding almonds, avocados, and green olives as snacks, I felt great. </p><p>The Jello had low levels of sugar. The juices had natural sugar. The bread had a little sugar.</p><p><u>Protein, natural sugars and or good fats, and complex carbs.</u> If you try the shared 2 week menu and feel good, then you REALLY have a solid foundation to work off of to dodge the H bombs for months like I did. Consistency is the key. </p><p>I used to skip breakfast. The brain got better when I started eating in the morning. </p><p>I always ate fruit...kind of. My selection of fare depended on costs a lot and sometimes I'd skimp on the sweet produce. Never again. I'll always have a banana, plum, grapes, cherries with my meals. In fact, early in the no-migraine stretch one day, I felt one developing. My fellow migraineurs, you KNOW that feeling. Well, I drank apple juice and squashed it. Don't just eat fruit though. You got to have the other helpers. </p><p>Be careful of starches like pasta and potatoes. I love them, but your blood sugar should be calm if you eat a lot in one sitting.</p><p>As for sweets, MSG, wine and other terrible delicious triggers, there's hope as well. For me, if my blood sugar is stable, I can enjoy all those things...just not all of them at once or all the time. NEVER drink wine on an empty stomach. <b>If you're like me and you go a while without eating or you feel the low blood sugar jitters, you'll more than likely manifest a migraine several hours later.</b> They don't usually happen quickly unless your sugar is low AND you experience a trigger.</p><p>Diet sodas are not your friend. <b>Aspartame is a major migraine trigger.</b> You should avoid them with the meal plan. The book goes into other notorious triggers and a lot of fascinating peculiarities. But if you want to get started, keep in mind the blood sugar. Never let it get low.</p><p>If you have any questions, hit me up on the FB posting. Godspeed to you. I REALLY hope this helps.</p><div>Gusto Dave</div>Chiseled in Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02545077591839974850noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2582274004296638852.post-38414032052475603352017-10-19T11:57:00.001-06:002017-10-19T16:15:43.091-06:00Your Book Isn't Selling? It's Not Your Fault.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Are you agonizing over your labor on Wordpress and Goodreads that yields next to zero sales of your book? Allow me to share some vital data from when I gambled <i>tens of thousands</i> of buckeroos on a comedy convention.</span><br />
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I used to say without any first-hand experience, "<i>Marketing is spending lots of money and who you know</i>." After Comedy Con, though, I'm not just shooting my mouth off anymore. it's a proven theory. </span><br />
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A little disclaimer before I bring you up to speed: I have no regrets. Hopefully, this article doesn't sound bitter. Rather, I enjoyed the ride. Living up to my mantle 'Gusto', instead of just talking big about something, I actually did it and I'm proud. But the truth is my spreadsheets reflect a devastating loss that would make any wouldbe stockholder bash me on Twitter. Don't shed tears for me, though. Uncle Sam will pity me enough and I'll recoup my investments. The lesson was very worth it and you can benefit from the lashing I took.</span><br />
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A while back, I mentioned my hiatus for pursuing book deals. I would continue to write simply because I enjoy it--which I have. I cannot stress to you enough how you better be penning manuscripts out of sheer pleasure because if you're not dumping every bit of your 'disposable income' into promotion, odds for becoming a day-job novelist are astronomically slim. Seriously, you're more likely to be struck by lightning. This, I learned from Comedy Con.</span><br />
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Do you have an author page on Facebook where you post announcements about your upcoming releases? <b>No one sees them</b>. I hope this gets your attention. Keep reading.</span><br />
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In the closed-office, introverted world of an author, it's easy for us to embrace the concept of marketing, but very few of us really do that job and it's next to impossible for us to grasp what a gargantuan task it is to sell stuff. After all, we should be focusing on story telling, right? </span><br />
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My idea for Comedy Con came about partly because of all the conferences/conventions I visited as a writer. As some of you know, I dabble in stand-up. Because I'm too stubborn to go on the road or wait in line for stage time to chase comedic success, I suppose it just clicked in my mind one day that there are no conventions for comedy, so starting one could be my innovative approach to staying involved with my humorous passion. I mean...we have superhero, horror, steampunk, and every other genre of convention, but not one for comedy. How could this lose? </span><br />
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Following the format for Denver Comic Con, I contracted celebrities from well-known funny TV programs to grace this little soiree, one of them was Steve Hytner whose face is very recognizable as the character of Bania from "Seinfeld." Steve is a great guy, BTW. There was an invitation for comedic themed cosplay. We had panels about the business just like comic cons. We even sweetened the deal and threw in tried-and-true performances. There was a gameshow with $1000 in winnings up for grabs. Well...ticket sales just sat there.</span><br />
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Here's the funny/aggravating thing that kept rearing its ugly head: Abeit with good intentions probably, people who observed the low turnout would tell me, "This could really turn into something if you would have advertised." Their assumption that I <b>didn't</b> advertise always cracked me up. I proceeded to inform them, "Good point, but we had an ad on the programs for The Greeley Stampede and Greeley Blues Jam. There was a coupon for discount tickets in the Greeley Tribune. KFKA AM and 93.5 Pirate Radio plugged it repeatedly. The Best of Greeley magazine ran ads for it over three months. I bought marketing from The Greeley Tribune which included bus bench ads and digital marketing like retargeting, Facebook, and geo-fencing. The Downtown Development Authority posted it on the city events calendar. Greeley Unexpected promoted it with ticket giveaways. Every ad had a picture of the recognizable Steve Hytner. The Tribune wrote up a very nice article about the event. Altogether, I poured about 6 grand into marketing." That litany would always leave them pale faced, and grasping for something encouraging to say.</span><br />
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I hired a social media promoter and that's where I learned that your postings on a Facebook fan page go nowhere unless you take out pricey ads through their Business Manager. Incidentally, I hate Facebook now...although they have a right to free enterprise, they're very misleading.</span><br />
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</span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The final evening of Comedy Con, Christine Lederman, DJ at 93.5, comedian, and dear friend said to me, "It's not your fault," and those very kind words jarred me out of my self blaming. My girlfriend pointed out how classy it was of her to say that.</span><br />
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Some friends offered consolation to me and said, "Maybe Greeley wasn't the best place." Well, to put things into perspective, In April, Jim Belushi was at the civic center (the same theater in which we held Comedy Con) and his program sold about 1000 tickets. Lots of comedy acts come through Greeley at said venue and profit, so, why did Comedy Con stagnate? The most logical answer is: Advertising. It needed more.</span><br />
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Volunteers, performers, and vendors all told me they loved the idea and wanted to do it again, but I also got the distinct impression that they didn't envision what the convention was all about until they got here even though the webpage explained everything. Again, advertising. When marketers tell you that people have to see things over and over, <b>that is true</b>.</span><br />
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Maybe Steve Hytner wasn't big enough. Possibly. This is what hurts my head with that argument, though: most comic cons bring in stars that I've never heard of in their first years. However, if I play along and agree, it just proves my theory again...who you know and money. Sure, Bill Murray, for a minimum fee of about $100,000, would have filled the civic center, but I would have needed a connection to someone who knows him just to offer the deal, and I still would have had to bankroll a lot of advertising.</span><br />
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Some officials with the city of Greeley pointed out to me that Blues Jam only attracted a few hundred people its first year, resulting in horrible debt. Last summer it pulled over 6000 attendees. Blues Jam has become so successful that it's now a Greeley institution. Comedy Con probably just needs time to catch on. Once more, that's advertising through slow word of mouth and investment to do it over and over.</span><br />
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So, fellow writers, you more than likely have <b>some</b> idea that the book buyer's market is tough. Just how tough is it? Well, consider my experiemental event in a state where conventions are as popular as micro breweries--an entertainment weekend that for all practical purposes should have been more marketable. The advertising (both free and paid) for Comedy Con wasn't enough to get it flying off the ground its first time. How many years and dollars do you think your novel will require?</span><br />
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Feel free to browse the webpage. Incidentally, although I can recoup the losses, I have no capital on hand right now to try Comedy Con again and find the answers to puzzles that plague mankind.</span><br />
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</span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Gusto</span><br />
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</span>Chiseled in Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02545077591839974850noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2582274004296638852.post-84715556912166051632017-04-21T13:17:00.001-06:002017-04-21T13:23:07.785-06:00It'll never get old.<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">That kick of emotion when the first box of your new book arrives?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">A sultry singer,</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">her hunky ex-boyfriend,</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">and his priceless Aztec sword.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The chase is on!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">A Serenade to Die For</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Janet Fogg and David Jackson</span></div>
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<br />Chiseled in Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02545077591839974850noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2582274004296638852.post-28935308936379107452017-04-08T11:06:00.004-06:002017-04-08T11:06:55.788-06:00The Nightly Met interview<br />
"Gusto" Dave Jackson and Janet "The Kid" Fogg discuss their new Misfortune Annie series with Avery Anderson on the Nightly Met!<br />
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<br />Chiseled in Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02545077591839974850noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2582274004296638852.post-48986638312327410812017-03-29T16:05:00.000-06:002017-03-29T16:05:04.988-06:00A Serenade to Die For<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">To be released April 7, 2017 by The Wild Rose Press!</span><br />
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</span> <span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">On the verge of her long-sought career breakthrough, singer Isbel Vargas has just completed the performance of a lifetime when a kidnapper demands a ransom for her father. Thanks to his car theft and antiquities operation, her father will be arrested if she involves the Acapulco police. Who can she turn to?<br />
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Isbel's ex-boyfriend, Cane Mullins, is once again south of the border, purportedly tracking down his beloved Camaro, a vintage street rod stolen years before by her father. Cane gets more than he bargains for, though, when he again crosses paths with the exquisite singer. Chased at high speed through the Sierra Madres, the former lovers search for Isbel's father and a priceless sword he has hidden away, the sole surviving Aztec maquahuitl, while sparks fly and passion reignites. But can Isbel trust Cane again...with her heart?</span><br />
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</span> <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><a href="http://catalog.thewildrosepress.com/all-titles/4947-a-serenade-to-die-for.html">The Wild Rose Press link</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Misfortune-Annie-Locomotive-Reaper-Jackson-ebook/dp/B01MDRCFJD/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1477847335&sr=8-1&keywords=misfortune+annie+and+the+locomotive+reaper">Amazon link</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/a-serenade-to-die-for-janet-fogg/1125796614?type=eBook#productInfoTabs">Barnes & Noble link</a></span>Chiseled in Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02545077591839974850noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2582274004296638852.post-39406999247625684122017-03-26T15:14:00.000-06:002017-03-26T16:09:25.583-06:00Where's Annie?<div style="margin-bottom: 6px;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: large;">Thank you, <a href="http://bookwormforkids.blogspot.com/2017/03/review-misfortune-annie-and-locomotive.html">Bookworm for Kids!</a> </span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">"With edge-of-the-seat adventure, this gunslinger heroine takes on all sorts of dangerous villains and shows the world just what one girl can do."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">"I strapped on some chaps and spurs and sat down with the authors. They graciously answered a few questions." ~ <a href="https://gpattridge.com/2017/01/27/misfortune-annie-and-the-locomotive-reaper-virtual-tour-and-author-interview/">Greg Pattridge of Always in the Middle</a>.</span></div>
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Chiseled in Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02545077591839974850noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2582274004296638852.post-10651902949052570172017-02-08T08:29:00.000-07:002017-02-08T08:35:55.309-07:00Valentine's the Gusto Way<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">You can be cheap yet
still be romantic. C’mon, you’re probably an artist of some sort for cryin’ out
loud if you’re reading this, so use some imagination. Those who really know me
will tell you I’m the cheapest bastard alive—a mantle I proudly accept—but I’m
also efficient and effective. And the thing is: Creativity squashes money spent
every time when it comes to amore…unless your conquest is the superficial type.
In that case, this posting is not for you and good luck. I’ll float you some
cash if I know you, but it probably won’t be enough. And you better have a
sports car.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Let’s go over these
in promotional package style. (I’m putting on a Comedy Con—will be posting more
about it on here soon—and as of late, I’ve been pitching to potential sponsors
with <i>deals that you just can’t refuse)</i>!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The VIP
Working Man Deals</span></u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">: In
these scenarios, you have some free cash to splurge a little, around a 100 to
150 bucks. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The trick here is to
avoid being manipulated like mindless cattle. Dinner is probably the best
option, but <i>don’t go where you always go</i>!
Find a place with character. It doesn’t even have to be ‘fancy’, but it must
feel adventurous. It’s this simple, if you want it to be spicy in the bedroom,
the dining experience is the way to get the flavor going. Maybe you try
something completely new. When you roll the dice like this, there’s a risk of
the meal falling short of your expectations. Again, that’s okay. It’s part of
the thrill. You can kiss afterwards and make it all better.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Another epicurean
approach, again observing this budget is to simply get a really nice bottle of
wine. You can pick up a bottle of Dom Perignon in said price range. Pop the
cork with your sweetie and enjoy some white grapes and cheese with this
sparkling luxury while watching the sunset…or sunrise, if you know what I mean.
Wink wink, nudge nudge.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The
Intimacy is More Important Than Money Deal:</span></u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Relaxation is paramount in romance. At about half the price, these are
the best bang for the buck. Wait, that sounded a little crass…<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Get comfortable and
rub each other’s backs. You don’t have to be a masseuse. You just have to be
caring. Music, or a movie, and maybe a stiff drink are nice pairings with
‘stop-the-world-and-take-a-breather’ technique. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Prepare a special
entrée for your honey. I’m such a lousy cook, it takes me an hour to make
Minute Rice, but from my single years, I perfected a few meals, one of them
being steaks. The first time I grilled them, I nearly singed my eyebrows off
because I didn’t know how to fire up coals, but as they say, practice makes
perfect. I grill them so well now that it actually fooled my girlfriend into
thinking I was some kind of chef. But I relish wining and dining her. Oh, and here’s a trick with onions, guys.
Everybody knows that a tough dude never cries, yet cutting onions can test you.
The trick is to make sure there’s plenty of ventilation, direct a fan toward
the kitchen area to blow the onion fumes away, and breathe through your mouth.
You’ll make Superman look like a squeaky voiced adolescent. Then again, some ladies
dig the sensitive type. In that case, leak all over the place and tell them
about your beloved cats. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The Zero
Money Option:</span></u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Tell her
how you feel. If you’re a writer, you should have this in the bag. Take the
time to really get it right on the page. And that’s why I’m telling Julie and
all of the world how lucky I am. She patiently helped me to find the way to
true happiness—absolute appreciation of what I have. Everyday, I become a
better man with her in my life. I love you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Gusto Dave<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Chiseled in Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02545077591839974850noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2582274004296638852.post-18906879599516815602016-10-12T08:00:00.000-06:002016-10-12T08:00:18.043-06:00Stars of the Silver Scream: Halloween 2016<div abp="1709" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span abp="1742" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Greetings ghouls. It's that time of year to surrender your machinations for just a moment to heed my curse of required viewing and reading, burnt offerings that exemplify proper horror.</span></div>
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For you bloodthirsty types, just go ahead and return to your corner of purgatory. If I have to explain to you that gore does not equal terror, then you don't belong in this crypt. Go revel in your sanguinary satire while the rest of us feel a real chill to the marrow.</div>
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And our first fright may have single-handedly restored the crown to American cinema for horror. <em>The Witch</em> is elegant, authentic, and most of all, a cringe symphony. It begins by locking you in the 17th century, forcing you to listen closely to the archaic English. When religious persecution causes a family to be banished from their colony, the cruel frontier deals them much more than just back-breaking work. Oh indeed, there is a witch who will entrance you and an uncharted direction with disturbing revelations.</div>
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John Carpenter worshippers will likely spot <em>It Follows</em> as a tribute to the director, especially from the soundtrack. If you were a teen in the 80s, there will be no escaping the haunting stroll down memory lane from the style of this chiller. There's one caveat. <em>It Follows</em> is better than just about all the low Bs of said decade. The story gets to the point in the first scene then never relents.</div>
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Rated R, David Cronenberg's remake of <em>The Fly </em>gets all over your skin like a swarm, but has fun. Compared to <em>Jaws</em> which was rated PG, the insect tale is actually quite tame. By today's standards, you may even find it okay for kids, but I'd suggest only if they are in double digits.</div>
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<em>After the People Lights Have Gone Off</em>, a short story collection by one of my fellow Coloradans Stephen Graham Jones, is the creepiest prose I've read all year. You won't be disappointed...which means you might lose a little sleep. Keep an eye out for them slick shadowy things. And for heaven's sake, don't turn around too fast if you feel a hot breeze on your neck.</div>
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Ghosto Dave</div>
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Chiseled in Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02545077591839974850noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2582274004296638852.post-33734919040819967712016-09-14T12:48:00.000-06:002016-09-14T12:48:35.375-06:00The Sweet Spot in Prose and Comedy<div abp="654">
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<a abp="706" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwZIAcSMsfHBDLV5XLM2x_SupMeS3qBkNS6fekhlo4ZYCxD1kX6uRaKFjNVH1maDJ7p84ossDPn6uZiEBt1AoawWqqI1wPh5_oboKNP41EeWilYn1oflL9xxkeei8jp6BTWIOy8Oz70WQ/s1600/pen+and+mike.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="707" border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwZIAcSMsfHBDLV5XLM2x_SupMeS3qBkNS6fekhlo4ZYCxD1kX6uRaKFjNVH1maDJ7p84ossDPn6uZiEBt1AoawWqqI1wPh5_oboKNP41EeWilYn1oflL9xxkeei8jp6BTWIOy8Oz70WQ/s320/pen+and+mike.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
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All these postings about the similarities between writing stand-up and fiction, and I missed the big one. I mean gargantuan. If it had been a dinosaur it would have devoured me.</div>
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Perhaps it suddenly rang in my ears after studying Deacon's advice featured on here last month, or because I just wrote a routine that's been heavy on my heart, or due to me plotting a YA novella. Whatever the case, the skeletons under both arts revealed themselves to me.</div>
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Why do <em>you</em> like to write? For sure, there's a vanity element to it. Yeah, it's fun as well to turn a phrase or describe something colorfully in sparse wording. But if you shine the light deeper into your soul, you'll spot the real reason.</div>
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Because we're all bursting to tell the truth.</div>
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Lies surround us day to day like a growing breeze. Propaganda, the internet, advertising, your job -- they all spread it on thick in some way. It's so inconvenient to tell it like it is. So, in an artist's creative way, we like to sneak the truth in without bludgeoning the audience with it.</div>
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You've created these unique characters. The plot is tight. Your dialogue is cool. With much deliberation, you clipped parts that would slow the pace. And somewhere in that word count, you put your heart out there...because it's a safe place to do so.</div>
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Of course, our convictions can differ from others'. I find that where we all disagree the most is on the perception of a problem or how to solve one more than if something is day or night. But I digress. The point is: We all have two cents burning to get off our chests.</div>
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When I dismissed writing cutesy standup and went for a subject I feel strongly about -- the truth as I see it -- the payoff felt much better. We'll call it that artistic angle of persuasion. </div>
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For instance, optimism (or what it has morphed into in today's society more succinctly because there are no other good names for it) is annoying to me because it appears to ignore reality. Never wanting to offend anyone, yet dying to blurt out the way I see it, I worded my routine this way:</div>
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I'd love to be an optimist, but it's hard for me to understand them. They're mantra is, "The glass is half full." Well, if I'm on the couch with a half a highball of scotch and I got to get off my butt to pour some more, you can bet I'm going to drink what I got first. What do you know? Contrary to their cult beliefs, the glass really is half empty!</div>
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Gusto Dave</div>
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Chiseled in Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02545077591839974850noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2582274004296638852.post-59544401532941082762016-08-10T20:11:00.000-06:002016-08-10T20:11:34.655-06:00All Hail the Deacon!<div abp="126">
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<a abp="1426" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhu8JWTfHI7aV-saj7n-uXbSdu2Fb03VnJdbbsa8bbozA7to-SJnPHsZUKBlaIKQwIyh2dYgxrWqI5nLku0JxYiakjSMF8pvKW72sl8hmmXrXOeM2ZLIpKfGnIFgHt8DggEvAkR7mt3ya0/s1600/Deacon.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="1427" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhu8JWTfHI7aV-saj7n-uXbSdu2Fb03VnJdbbsa8bbozA7to-SJnPHsZUKBlaIKQwIyh2dYgxrWqI5nLku0JxYiakjSMF8pvKW72sl8hmmXrXOeM2ZLIpKfGnIFgHt8DggEvAkR7mt3ya0/s1600/Deacon.png" /></a></div>
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<span abp="128" style="font-family: Calibri;"></span> </div>
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<span abp="128" style="font-family: Calibri;">He is simply one of the best.<o:p abp="129"></o:p></span></div>
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<span abp="132" style="font-family: Calibri;">With my first ‘attempt’ at comedy in 2010, I met David
“Deacon” Gray, veteran comedian and <i abp="133" style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">New
Talent Coordinator at Comedy Works</i>. We’d actually been introduced online
through a mutual friend because we’re all from Oklahoma, but with the face to
face acquaintance, I realized why they called him Deacon. A preacher’s <i abp="134" style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">brother</i>, his kindness and guidance are
treasures, especially in the comedy business. Humbly and with consummate
professionalism, he offers pointers to his flock. For instance, he stresses to
newcomers the need to say or do something to help the audience like them
immediately when they take the mike.<o:p abp="135"></o:p></span></div>
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<span abp="138" style="font-family: Calibri;">Now writer friends, doesn’t that sound familiar? Hook the
reader on page one. Create a character with whom the bookworm can identify and
admire. <i abp="139" style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Funny</i> how entertainment and
arts have these techniques in common.<o:p abp="140"></o:p></span></div>
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<span abp="143" style="font-family: Calibri;">Speaking of scribing, Deacon has a Bachelor’s of Arts in <i abp="144" style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Journalism with an English minor</i> from
Oklahoma University and it shows. An author can listen to his hilarious act and
detect attention to word choice, brevity (the old less is more rule),
elaboration if needed, and of course that old literary device: irony. Just listen
to how sharp and fresh his performance is.</span></div>
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<span abp="146" style="font-family: Calibri;"></span> </div>
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<iframe width="320" height="266" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/oO9Ulb_zD6Y/0.jpg" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/oO9Ulb_zD6Y?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></div>
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<span abp="153" style="font-family: Calibri;">He is an inspiration to watch and I’m glad I know him.
Honestly, I get a little star-struck around him. <o:p abp="154"></o:p></span></div>
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<span abp="157" style="font-family: Calibri;">Welcome to Chiseled in Rock, Deacon!<o:p abp="158"></o:p></span></div>
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<span abp="161" style="font-family: Calibri;">CIR: I’ve been dying to ask you this: Have you ever pursued
publication?<o:p abp="162"></o:p></span></div>
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<span abp="165" style="font-family: Calibri;">DG: The short answer is no, I’ve never submitted anything
I’ve written to a publisher.<o:p abp="166"></o:p></span></div>
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<span abp="169" style="font-family: Calibri;">The only experiences I’ve had that might be similar involve
self-publishing. Growing up in Oklahoma gave me a strong DIY streak: I learned
to make my own fun. So, for three years immediately after college (1991-94), I published
a zine in Norman, Oklahoma. It was named the <i abp="170" style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Oklahoma Comic Review</i>, and featured comic strips, political
cartoons, puzzles, and, yes, a monthly column by me. Usually it was just new
jokes I wanted to try out, but sometimes I would write a column in character. I
remember one column was supposedly written by the <i abp="171" style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Review’s</i> plumber.<o:p abp="172"></o:p></span></div>
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<span abp="175" style="font-family: Calibri;">Then, in 2003-04, I published a couple issues of a smaller
zine called <i abp="176" style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Gray’s Journal</i>, which was
really just an excuse to print the pieces in my notebook that were too long or
too weird for the stage. One was a happy alternate ending to Shirley Jackson’s <i abp="177" style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Lottery</i>. Another was an intervention
for a man who said, “wassup” too often. I think the longest piece was three
pages. That might be the closest I’ve come to writing and publishing prose.<o:p abp="178"></o:p></span></div>
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<span abp="181" style="font-family: Calibri;">CIR: A common tool used in prose and stand-up is the simile.
It seems the more I try to come up with a good one, the worse it gets regardless
of whether it’s meant for profundity or wit. Are they best from you a la
seat-of-the-pants?<o:p abp="182"></o:p></span></div>
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<span abp="185" style="font-family: Calibri;">DG:<span abp="186" style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> T</span>o me and my
way of communicating, simile and metaphor are absolutely critical.<o:p abp="187"></o:p></span></div>
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<span abp="190" style="font-family: Calibri;">So much of what we do as comedians is getting people to
shift their perspective, to see something routine from a different
point-of-view. And there are times when the ideas we are trying to convey might
be too sublime, too blunt, too odd, or too much of a stretch to state simply. <span abp="191" style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Metaphors act as verbal ambassadors and
provide the audience/reader with a touchstone with which they can get to the
ideas more easily or more elegantly. <o:p abp="192"></o:p></span></div>
<div abp="193">
</div>
<div abp="194" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span abp="195" style="font-family: Calibri;">For instance, there’s a huge distance between saying,
“Donald Trump is a racist,” or saying, “Donald Trump is your racist uncle.” The
first idea is too on-the-nose, too politically charged, and too open for
interpretation (i.e. too broad). The audience is left only with the choices of
agreeing or disagreeing, usually based on their prior experience and opinions
or what they think the comic means by ‘racist.’ It’s not likely that you will
change anybody’s mind with the first statement.<o:p abp="196"></o:p></span></div>
<div abp="197">
</div>
<div abp="198" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span abp="199" style="font-family: Calibri;">But by employing a metaphor, the second idea is softened,
personalized, and makes it easier for the audience to identify and understand. Everybody
has a racist family member, so that communal idea provides a step to what you
are trying to communicate about Trump. And, most importantly, that step makes
it more likely that the audience will accept the shift in POV.<o:p abp="200"></o:p></span></div>
<div abp="201">
</div>
<div abp="202" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span abp="203" style="font-family: Calibri;">CIR: When writing a joke, do you follow a method, or jot
down something that strikes you as humorous, maybe both?<o:p abp="204"></o:p></span></div>
<div abp="205">
</div>
<div abp="206" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span abp="207" style="font-family: Calibri;">DG: I don’t have a method, unless endless repetition and
rewriting counts as a method.<o:p abp="208"></o:p></span></div>
<div abp="209">
</div>
<div abp="210" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span abp="211" style="font-family: Calibri;">In most cases, an idea will occur to me, usually provoked by
something I’ve seen, read, or heard. Sometimes the idea will present itself in
complete joke form, but usually I just pick up on something about the idea that
I find absurd or ironic or grandiose. Then it’s up to me to cast it in joke
form.<o:p abp="212"></o:p></span></div>
<div abp="213">
</div>
<div abp="214" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span abp="215" style="font-family: Calibri;">For instance, I looked at my notes from last night, and I
had written this: erotic novelties. I saw that on a sign on Santa Fe last
night, and something about the word ‘novelties’ clanged in my ear. It’s not a
joke yet, but I can see the premise in my mind: is there anything truly ‘novel’
about what they sell in that store? What would it take to catch me by surprise?<o:p abp="216"></o:p></span></div>
<div abp="217">
</div>
<div abp="218" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span abp="219" style="font-family: Calibri;">The next step will be to write it out in joke form, and see
if I can refine it to match my voice. Then I will try it on a stage somewhere.<o:p abp="220"></o:p></span></div>
<div abp="221">
</div>
<div abp="222" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span abp="223" style="font-family: Calibri;">CIR: Do you test a bit with anyone to see if it might ‘push
the limits’? The reason I ask is I’ve never heard you perform anything that
rubbed the audience the wrong way.<o:p abp="224"></o:p></span></div>
<div abp="225">
</div>
<div abp="226" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span abp="227" style="font-family: Calibri;">DG: I think part of my personal maturation as a comedy
writer was discovering that I could be subversive without poking somebody in
the eye. As a young comic, I had plenty of material that was edgy and
provocative. And that material worked fine… for a particular crowd. Anyone
outside of that small group usually saw it as heavy-handed, obvious, and
self-righteous. ‘Oh, you’re in college and you think war is bad? Didn’t see
that coming.’ There was no surprise in those jokes; no revelation.<o:p abp="228"></o:p></span></div>
<div abp="229">
</div>
<div abp="230" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span abp="231" style="font-family: Calibri;">At some point, I switched to a sugar-pill approach. The idea
now is to slip difficult ideas into bubbly material so that the audience
doesn’t see it coming. I think that’s a thousand times more subversive, and
also provides for bigger laughs because the audience is surprised. One of my
biggest joys is making an audience laugh at a difficult idea with a light
presentation. That way there’s irony in both the words and the performance.<o:p abp="232"></o:p></span></div>
<div abp="233">
</div>
<div abp="234" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span abp="235" style="font-family: Calibri;">Here’s a recent joke that might help illustrate the idea.<o:p abp="236"></o:p></span></div>
<div abp="237">
</div>
<div abp="238" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span abp="239" style="font-family: Calibri;">“My parents were Baby Boomers, so that makes me Generation
X. <o:p abp="240"></o:p></span></div>
<div abp="241">
</div>
<div abp="242" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span abp="243" style="font-family: Calibri;">Now we’re into the Millennials, and, after that, is the
Probably Fucked’s. <o:p abp="244"></o:p></span></div>
<div abp="245">
</div>
<div abp="246" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span abp="247" style="font-family: Calibri;">Then the What Did You Do To The Planet’s. <o:p abp="248"></o:p></span></div>
<div abp="249">
</div>
<div abp="250" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span abp="251" style="font-family: Calibri;">And then the Ooo We’re Thirsty’s.”<o:p abp="252"></o:p></span></div>
<div abp="253">
</div>
<div abp="254" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span abp="255" style="font-family: Calibri;">Didn’t see that environmental message coming, did you?<o:p abp="256"></o:p></span></div>
<div abp="257">
</div>
<div abp="258" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span abp="259" style="font-family: Calibri;">CIR: How important is it to cultivate following online?
Probably like comedians, writers, who often tend to be introverted, are
constantly nagged by agents to do so.<o:p abp="260"></o:p></span></div>
<div abp="261">
</div>
<div abp="262" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span abp="263" style="font-family: Calibri;">DG: It’s important if you are looking for commercial
success. Like it or not, most consumers do their shopping online now, and
social media drives people to your product. Also, a good online example of what
you do can often lead to more work. I’ve been booked for gigs off of videos I
have posted online. And there are lots of stories of comedy writers who got job
interviews based on their Twitter presence.<o:p abp="264"></o:p></span></div>
<div abp="265">
</div>
<div abp="266" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span abp="267" style="font-family: Calibri;">CIR: Did you always know that comedy was your calling?<o:p abp="268"></o:p></span></div>
<div abp="269">
</div>
<div abp="270" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span abp="271" style="font-family: Calibri;">DG: I always knew I wanted to write and perform comedy, but
I didn’t know that it was possible to make a living doing it. I grew up very
sheltered in Oklahoma in the 70’s. The idea of being a stand-up comedian was
about as likely as running off with the circus.<o:p abp="272"></o:p></span></div>
<div abp="273">
</div>
<div abp="274" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span abp="275" style="font-family: Calibri;">I remember the first time I was booked in the comedy club in
Oklahoma City (in 1986). The booker gave me the dates, the number of shows, the
comics I would be working with, and then offered me $250. That stunned me. I
had never been paid for doing any kind of performance.<o:p abp="276"></o:p></span></div>
<div abp="277">
</div>
<div abp="278" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span abp="279" style="font-family: Calibri;">CIR: From my point of view, your job as coordinator must be
difficult. With the tons of comedians in Denver wanting their shot, I think
you’re constantly queried—almost like a literary agent. What do you do to shut
down?<o:p abp="280"></o:p></span></div>
<div abp="281">
</div>
<div abp="282" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span abp="283" style="font-family: Calibri;">DG: The most difficult part of my job is the reality of the
occupation: many are called and few will make it. Almost all of the young
comedians believe they are only one good set away from a big break that will
lead to their own Comedy Central series. But the reality is that stand-up is a
difficult job that requires a lot of work, luck, and discipline to survive. <o:p abp="284"></o:p></span></div>
<div abp="285">
</div>
<div abp="286" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span abp="287" style="font-family: Calibri;">Out of a hundred comics, only ten have the talent and skills
to succeed. Of those ten, seven will quit. The remaining three will have a
career, but only one will get any fame, and that fame only lasts a second.<o:p abp="288"></o:p></span></div>
<div abp="289">
</div>
<div abp="290" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span abp="291" style="font-family: Calibri;">So, with those odds, it’s wildly important that you love
what you do. My happiest day in comedy was the day I stopped chasing fame and
started writing comedy that was true to me. And, ironically, that was when I first
started having some success in the business.<o:p abp="292"></o:p></span></div>
<div abp="293">
</div>
<div abp="294" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span abp="295" style="font-family: Calibri;">When you love what you do, you never shut down. I spend my
time away from comedy thinking of ways to produce more comedy. If I went to the
beach, I would just think of jokes about the beach.<o:p abp="296"></o:p></span></div>
<div abp="297">
</div>
<div abp="298" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span abp="299" style="font-family: Calibri;">CIR: Thank you, Deacon!<o:p abp="300"></o:p></span></div>
<div abp="301">
</div>
<div abp="302" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span abp="303" style="font-family: Calibri;">Friend him. Follow him. Buy his CD. Catch his standup when
you can.<span abp="304" style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You too, will be hailing his
humor.<o:p abp="305"></o:p></span></div>
<div abp="306">
</div>
<div abp="311" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span abp="312" style="font-family: Calibri;">Gusto Dave<o:p abp="313"></o:p></span></div>
<div abp="314">
</div>
Chiseled in Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02545077591839974850noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2582274004296638852.post-28305823851098208532016-07-06T11:43:00.000-06:002016-07-06T17:59:02.132-06:005 Reasons to Join me as a Technophobe<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Did you know that Weird Al Yankovic majored in Architecture?
I’ll get to the nexus of this posting in a moment, but I have to cheer how much
that fact came as no surprise to me. He has always struck me as a balanced right and
left brain. He started high school at age 12 because he was so ahead of the
curve.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Nothing in my past is worth boasting about to that degree,
but I was a science major as well with my eyes always wandering to the heavens
of creativity. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">And now my point: I embrace science in spite of all my
artistic endeavors. So when I share with you very real fears about technology,
you can bet I’m not being flighty. Come with me as I write my most horrific
piece, because unlike my creepy fiction, this is REAL. I’ll try to make it just
a little bit funny so you won’t bolt outdoors and scream, “The world is ending!"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Deaths will increase due to texting and driving.
Can you imagine the old cowboys complaining about the horseless carriages, and how
those big pieces of metal colliding with others would cause fatalities? Surely an
opposition group pointed this out back in the early 1900s. We pressed on anyway
in the name of speed and convenience. Want to hear the scary part? A demographic
exists out there that can’t even begin to fathom WHY THEY SHOULD WATCH THE ROAD
INSTEAD OF THEIR PHONE. They grew up in Techworld so it’s normal to them to
have eyes on a screen all of the time. Put all those lawbreakers on horseback
and I bet they wouldn’t give a damn about the gossip from their besties.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Identify Theft is so bad that YOU can’t even get
to YOUR accounts because of all the protective measures on them. Just wait
until it’s time to start drawing your 401k. Don’t be surprised if you’ll have
to send in a swab of your skin for DNA tests monthly just to get your check. I
actually carry cash most the time now. If someone robs me face to face, at least they only
get off with a few bills and not my whole damn life. Identity theft actually makes
muggings look BETTER. Our money is safest through paper transactions only now.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Television used to be free. Remember that?
Everyone complains about the economy, but if we weren’t <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">forced</i> to foot the bill for cable (because that’s the only way to
get your local stations now clearly), you’d have more disposable income. With
the ‘pulling of the plug’ on analog broadcasting in 2010 to supposedly <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">upgrade</i> to digital receivers that don’t
work unless you live 5 miles from the TV station, now you have to go without just the regular old news unless you shell out for the internet—another expense we didn’t use
to have.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Just like road rage reared its ugly head in the
80s because traffic reached an all-time high and drivers, disconnected from
being actually face to face with another person, did abominably stupid things
like hit their brakes in a huddle of cars, endangering everyone on the road,
social media has emboldened morons to new heights of asinine aggression because
they are not in proximity to the people they hurt. Most of us, when we go to a
get-together, were raised to be cordial to the other folks, in spite of
our differences. This means keeping your mouth shut about politics and religion for
the most part because you’re simply not going to agree with everyone on
everything. In a way, there’s nothing actually social about social media,
because the correspondents don’t ‘feel’ each other. The reason we have a law
that forbids yelling fire in a crowded house is because some turds actually did
just that. So, as more lamebrains carelessly stir the hornet’s nest on the internet,
lying, provoking, <u>they can actually threaten our freedom of speech.</u></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Phones are insanely expensive! Friends, they’re
not that complicated of a device. But you have to pay between $300 and a
thousand dollars for a new one and they don’t amount to much more than a radio.
Seriously. The word ‘wireless’ just means radio waves, the exact same ones you
used to listen to FM and AM with, except it’s digital. If you don’t believe me,
ask any engineer. And you have to get on a plan with that phone. A contract. This
is progress? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt 0.25in; text-align: left;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: "calibri";">I</span></o:p><span style="font-family: "calibri";">t comes down to this: The tech
industry is convincing consumers that they need things that they don’t actually
have to have. And then they’re taking just about ALL of your money in doing so.
And too many consumers are using the technology recklessly. Hopefully I was careful with my rhetoric on this 'tech' device. Thank God it's still free.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt 0.25in; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Of course technology has helped us in so many ways. Not the point of this article, though. Arrogance and 'turning our brains off' are the real dangers. Lest we forget, the Titanic was a technological marvel. But not a one advancement in engineering on that ship could have prevented the disaster caused by the smug, thoughtless imbeciles who touted it as unsinkable.</span></div>
<br />
Gusto DaveChiseled in Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02545077591839974850noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2582274004296638852.post-57096065731190517902016-06-22T07:24:00.000-06:002016-06-22T07:24:37.591-06:00It's a Long Road, Which Ever One You Choose
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Everything that has anything to do with wealth and fame in
the arts is competitive. And honestly, competitive is too soft of a word. You’re-more-likely-to-get-attacked-by-a-shark-on-a-mountain-then-drown-in-a-bowl-of-Jello,
if that were a word, is more fitting.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That’s what comedy has in common with writing novels: It’s
tough to make it. Last time, I promised to look at the similarities between the
two pursuits. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Slush Pile: An affectionate term for the stack of
manuscripts on an agent or editor’s desk, blocking your quick attention. A lot
of times, you don’t get <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">any</b>
attention unless the publishing pro knows you or sweet talks someone into
reading all of his or her backlog of submissions. That I know of, there’s no
cute jargon for this waiting list in comedy, but it’s alive and well. The
kicker is that the traffic holding up the ‘look see’ of your first chapters—besides
apathy from the recipient—is usually hacks destined to give up (like me) when
they discover the alarming amount of effort it will take for moderate success. Comedy venues are clogged with these too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It takes a minimum of ten years to make it. Bryan Callen—Google
him and you’ll recognize his face—says that he doesn’t give advice to new
comedians, but he warns them that it takes a decade to get somewhere with it,
however that’s defined. The same goes for writing. Stephen King started at age
8 and got his first short story in print at 18. And Carrie, his big break, came
years later. Think about it. You could become a doctor or lawyer way faster.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Oh yeah, there are workarounds. Just like a turnpike pass,
you can pay for quicker rejection. Contests abound in both worlds. In comedy,
the pressure to wobble out onto the stage is intense enough. Add to that a
competition and you get lovely stomach pains. But the entry fee is usually
cheap. In fact, when I competed at the Comedy Works, I adopted the attitude
that the fee of $20 is the equivalent to buying a ticket just to watch the act…only
I got a bonus of getting to be up there too!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Theft of intellectual property goes on in both arts. It’s
probably worse in comedy. The ever cool Mario Acevedo said that someone in
Germany put their name on one of his books on Amazon. It looks like someone did
that with my <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Tattoo Rampage</i> as well.
Funny thing is: it doesn’t bother me about my novel. The joke’s on them. They’re
not going to make any money off of it either! And with the stand up, two of my
bits have been stolen and turned into internet memes. Comedians are known for
swiping material.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now for the filthiest word in the business, worse than any
string of F bombs a slimy comic could bark into a mike…marketing. Yep. The big
shots in comedy, just like publishers, harp about online presence and all that
nausea. The reality is: Unless someone with power or fame endorses you or you
invest your retirement nest egg into ads, at the most, you’re going to beg for
free plugs and inflate your ego so erroneously that it’ll come crashing down
like a texting driver on a mountain road once it finally hits you how you’ve
prostituted yourself out. I see these poor young comics working themselves to
death on social media and in dive rooms, yet they’re not gaining one inch of notoriety.
Average consumers wouldn’t recognize any of their names. Same goes for writers
out there trying to hustle without any backing. Believe me. Like a wide-eyed
hick, I fell for that blow to ‘get yourself out there and network’. It’s not worth
it. Of course, get out there and meet people because someone might be that voice who gives you the noticeable accolades, but leave the marketing to people whose job it is to do so.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Forgive me here as I end this article with the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">difference</i> that drew me to the stage and
ultimately killed my drive for submitting manuscripts. <u>Success doesn’t have to
be money</u>. I would have considered myself a hit if people, other than friends, would have simply read
my work. Fellow writers, it just doesn’t happen unless you’re New York pubbed. I’ve
seen strings on Facebook where someone would ask for a reading recommendation.
I’d jump in and say, “Mine.” But because my ‘publication’ is just another one
of those E disasters, I was ignored. Who could blame them? But when someone
chuckles at my wit, I feel success. Unlike wishy washy feedback from critique
groups and editors, you <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">know</b> if your
joke works or not right there before the audience. I can scribble an idea down
in one day, tell it in front of a crowd that night, and feel that much craved payoff
which most writers never get…unless they’re famous. Simply put, it’s magic. The
coolest prose I ever wrote, getting a literary agent, the news that a Hollywood
dude wanted to pitch my story to studios—none of them thrilled me like the roar
of giggles at the Comedy Works for my sets. It’s a kind of writing—and comedy
most definitely is writing, a much more difficult genre—that gives just and
bountiful rewards for the effort. Sweet laughter.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Gusto<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Chiseled in Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02545077591839974850noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2582274004296638852.post-40536460734480382842016-05-25T10:25:00.002-06:002016-05-25T10:36:54.315-06:00Comedy VS. Fiction Writing, Surprisingly Similar<div abp="2351" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a abp="2352" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivGzBv5F3ixKAEHGL-MpL775gN96Vm2-P83EogWRa50as-S6EF6QNWyUCJz0_LnJi7b2GOtY-oRmUHyzRoU6WbSk371qDsrlXVs5IYhDb70Wzf47igfxdkDodxLijeF1MuEKaWwLgY7lA/s1600/george-carlin_98_percent.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img abp="2353" border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivGzBv5F3ixKAEHGL-MpL775gN96Vm2-P83EogWRa50as-S6EF6QNWyUCJz0_LnJi7b2GOtY-oRmUHyzRoU6WbSk371qDsrlXVs5IYhDb70Wzf47igfxdkDodxLijeF1MuEKaWwLgY7lA/s320/george-carlin_98_percent.png" width="247" /></a></div>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">As a super villain might say to the protagonist, “We are
very much alike, you and I.” (The bad guy—usually flaunting a British accent—always
has to tack on that ‘you and I’ as if it weren’t obvious already). But if it’s
a good story, that statement is usually true because that’s part of what makes
it a compelling yarn: The hero and antagonists are from similar backgrounds,
the latter choosing to use his or her abilities selfishly. Such is but one of
the thousands of techniques a storyteller must know to entertain a reader. When
I fiddle with humor, the super villain’s maxim rings in my ear because, as I
give it my all to make you laugh, I realize that there’s a lot going on behind
a simple joke just like the inner-workings of a plot.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">For instance, if you’ve been scribbling for any time at all, my author friends,
no doubt you’ve been taught to answer these questions when starting a story
usually in the first paragraph: Whose head am I in? Where am I? And what’s
about to change? By addressing these prompts, the book will be more engaging
immediately and that’s important when a potential reader knows little about the
title and is trying to decide whether to get on the ride or not. In other
words, hook ‘em. Well, just like that my comedian friends are taught to GET TO THE FUNNY. Don’t
take a mike and blather on about yourself without at least saying something
that is meant for a laugh in the first 10 seconds. If you think ‘a funny thing
happened to me today’ is the way to tickle the crowd’s funny bone, you better
wear a cheap shirt because you’re going to sweat your ass off when your boring life
bombs up in front of the pack.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">It astounds me. The most common
problem I see with amateurs is they’re so full of themselves, they forget that
they’re actually servants. Yep. Servants. They want to get paid to be
entertainers. Customers are only going to pay for what they want. Amateur
comedians and writers are so broken, so in need of approval and love, they
forget to ask: what would my customers love? I used to sit in critique groups
and try to tough down a hack’s boring story. When we gave so many of them
constructive, courteous feedback, they’d reject it. It’s almost as if they were
bursting to say, “I’M NOT GOING TO PLAY WITH YOU ANYMORE!” The conundrum to me
was: If they just want to write for their own satisfaction, then why the hell
are they joining a club to learn how to craft a book for commercial submission? They must have thought: I'm so amazing they're going to worship me and call their industry contacts to gloat about this unfound author!</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">But there's a lot of work before you get there. This leads me to the great Robin Williams. Watch him and his
comedy seems effortless. <em>Seems</em>. It's not easy. Sure, he was gifted, but Robin employed the
comedy technique to the T. Lest we forget, the master improviser studied Drama at
Julliard. He originally wanted to be an actor. Comedy, one of his natural
inclinations, came as a path to stardom. John Houseman (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Paper Chase</i>) was one of Robin’s mentors. Anyway, one can see
Robin’s formal theater training when he launches into voices. Countless hours of practice preceded those gags that looked breezy. Also, most bits have these
element: Attitude, topic, setup, literary device, and act out. Robin always executed
his jokes precisely to the technique. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Attitude: The comedian takes the subject and applies one of
these attitudes to it: Hard, scary, stupid, or weird. The attitude can be
implied, but is often times stated outright.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Topic: It could be relationships, politics, religion (all
commonly used), or cars, astronomy, whatever.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Setup: A statement that’s NOT humorous, meant to inform the audience
what the joke is specifically going to exploit.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Literary Device: a simile, metaphor, or some clever play of
words to look at the setup differently.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Act Out: Pretending to be a character with physical movement
and or saying something. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Here’s one of Robin’s jokes (keep in mind it was performed
in the 80s):<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">“Piercing is weird. I come from San Francisco where there
are a lot of people into body piercing. They got to where they look like they’ve
been mugged by a staple gun. Fifteen earrings here, a little towel rack there.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I won’t belabor you with pointing out all the initial build
up—most of it is obvious—but the gag is a simile or literary device (LIKE they’ve
been mugged), and can’t you see him pointing at his ears and body for the
imaginary piercings, using one of his thousands of voices? That’s the act out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">There’s discipline behind any art or performance that isn’t
readily noticeable by the masses. If you don’t know these and you’re wanting to
make a living in entertainment, and you <em>think</em> you're already great, try some humble pie. Learn your craft.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Another similarity. As writers, we are taught to watch word
repetition. The best comics are mindful of this as well. When I go to an open
mike, an obvious amateur will beat certain words to death. Profanity is common.
I don’t find profanity offensive, but what the hacks don’t understand is if you
lean on the F bomb in every sentence, it actually bores the audience just like
using ‘was’ too much in a manuscript bores a reader.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">George Carlin, one of the filthiest stand ups of all time,
of course flung the dirty words around. What most people don’t know is he <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">loved</i> language. When he used profanity,
it was always ALWAYS for effect, most of the time when he was performing an act
out. George pained over every word he put in a routine and polished them for
optimal laughter. If it didn’t work, he cut it. Yes, he edited just like any
well-rounded author should do. Less is more.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">There are lots more similarities between comedy
and fiction. My next observations will be in the actual industry; who you know,
average time it takes to become a pro, getting paid (Now that’s hilarious!), and
more on the lovely subject of arrogance. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">Evado Tsug (Gusto Dave backwards)</span></div>
<br />
<div abp="2272">
<br /></div>
Chiseled in Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02545077591839974850noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2582274004296638852.post-82381837609621486722016-04-13T10:14:00.001-06:002016-04-13T10:14:34.131-06:00 Finally, a Self Help Book for Happy Losers
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ah, those make-your-life-better publications abound don’t
they? Until a few years ago, arrogant snot that I was, I didn’t give them much
credit. That was before my great depression. Later, some hardbacks truly ‘showed
me the way’ to get better whereas others regurgitated common sense. All a
matter of perspective I suppose. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s uncanny that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">this</i>
business/self-help book happened into my goofy present outlook – How to Fail at
Almost Everything and Still Win Big by Scott Adams. Yes, the cartoonist of
Dilbert.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Just weeks ago, I’d finally learned to quit yearning for carrots
like a toothless mule and instead enjoy the ride. You see, my <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">goal</i> a few years before was to become a
solvent writer if not published by New York. Moderate success came along, but
not to my expectation. Oh the agony! Any genre that I thought could get me
across the finish line is what I wrote. Go ahead. Call me a word slut. I’ve
been a very bad boy and deserve it. Anyway, the work proved to be life consuming.
Rarely did I have any fun. (Insert images of Nicholson maniacally typing ‘All
work and no play makes Jack a dull boy’ here). I love putting words on paper
but gee whiz Beav, plotting novels, a humongous undertaking, started making my
pea brain anguish over the dubious payoff – not to mention the weeks or months
to complete the 1<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">st</span></sup> draft. No wonder writers are always depressed!<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So, comedy called me again. At first, if felt like going
over to someone’s backyard to play horseshoes. Relaxed. Fun. It takes place at
a neighborhood bar open mike. Because I’m not good at being idle, I soon
schemed up some directions for my ‘hobby’. Now let’s get real. At 50, my
chances of becoming the next Bill Murray is about as likely as Donald Trump
learning modesty. That, and due to my failure to snag the gold with writing, I
stopped short of declaring a <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">goal</b>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I think I’ve stumbled on to something.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Scott Adams is a winner. Yet his take on ‘making it’ was refreshingly
contrasting to most success advice. On goals he writes:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“To put it bluntly, goals are for losers. That’s literally
true most of the time. For example, if your goal is to lose ten pounds, you
will spend every moment until you reach that goal-if you reach it at
all-feeling as if you were short of your goal. In other words, goal-oriented
people exist in a state of nearly continuous failure that they hope will be
temporary. That feeling wears on you. In time, it becomes heavy and
uncomfortable. It might even drive you out of the game. If you achieve your
goal, you celebrate and feel terrific, but only until you realize you just lost
the thing that gave you purpose and direction.”<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Adams suggests other ways to better yourself rather than
obsessing on the end result. A touchy-feely, roll-with-it approach is what
rewarded him after years of dinking around and constantly regrouping. I should
point out that he owned two restaurants, designed video games, rose to middle
management in banking, and numerous other ‘attempts’ that were most impressive.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve had a scattered career life also, but for far too long
I was hell-bent. Now, his words are preaching to the choir. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Check out his 2 cents on persistence. God, I love this:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“The smartest system for discerning your best path to
success involves trying lots of different things-sampling, if you will. For
entrepreneurial ventures it might mean quickly bailing out of things that don’t
come together quickly. That approach might conflict with the advice you’ve
heard all your life-that sticking with something, no matter the obstacles, is
important to success. Indeed, most successful people had to chew through a wall
at some point. Overcoming obstacles is normally an unavoidable part of the process.
But you also need to know when to quit. Persistence is useful, but there’s no
point in being an idiot about it.”<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My Dad was a Mr. fix-it, Grandpa a carpenter. In a
respectable trade, persistence is a virtue and it was instilled in me like
Adams touched on. Unfortunately, I carried it with me into the arts thinking it
would <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">guarantee</i> progress. It took a
while, but I wound up proverbially following Hank Williams’ lyrics to “scat
right back to my pappy’s farm.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Adams has solidified the optimistic view of my experiences
though. With all these failures, I’m ready to play them for their true worth. I invite you to give How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big a read. You may find that you're actually a conqueror. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Gusto Dave (Taylor Swift's male opposite...Tyler Slow)</span><br />
Chiseled in Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02545077591839974850noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2582274004296638852.post-75782606283885107312016-03-23T14:23:00.000-06:002016-03-23T14:23:09.053-06:00CandyWhen I was a kid, you could get me to do just about anything for candy. Wasn't it like that for you too? Now, I'll do anything for a beer, but as a kid, it was candy. "Oh you want me to do 3 hours of math for a little packet of Sweet Tarts? Sounds like a deal!" <br />
<br />
When you're a kid, you have no sense of commerce. Teachers milk that trick too, don't they? "If the students ever find out that candy is our secret, it'll topple the whole elementary educational system."<br />
<br />
Remember those Tootsie Pop commercials where the boy asks the owl how many licks it takes to get to the chocolate, then the owl grabs the sucker, licks it three times, then flippantly bites into it? If I'd been that dude, cheated out of my candy, I'd unleashed my cat on him. "Let's see how many bites it takes for kitty to get to your chewy center, wise ass."<br />
<br />
Not just childhood, but through my teens, I loved Snickers. The perfect junk food meal! Really satisfies. (All you old-timers will remember that ad). Nowadays, the only time I eat a Snickers is if I'm feeling insecure about my comedy. Then a Payday when I'm broke. And if I'm randy, Mounds!<br />
<br />
Frozen mini Reese's peanut butter cups will be the death of me. The paramedics will crash in and find me sprawled across the floor with all those golden foil papers crumpled up around me...and the biggest smile they've ever seen.<br />
<br />
Gusto DaveChiseled in Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02545077591839974850noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2582274004296638852.post-66187939983190512292016-01-06T09:28:00.000-07:002016-01-06T10:41:16.907-07:00A Real Man<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">A Real Man<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> <span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: large;">It
appears America is suffering from a deficit of adult development for males.
Maybe I’m wrong and just an old codger, but on several of my outings a hipster/metro-sexual/generation
x dude has shown up who didn’t have a clue to some basic things that men of
older generations know. I blame the parents who gave these overgrown children open
checks to play video games constantly. There’s no shortage of blanket asses who
can rule a joystick, but ask them to light a grill and they have to search it
on YouTube.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Again, I may be out of touch, but I
can’t begin to count all the times I’ve heard women complain about their
boyfriends who are total screw-ups, yet their one redeeming quality is
expertise in superhero movies. Ladies, Valentine’s Day is coming. If you’re
about to get steady with a male unit, or you already got a Neanderthal attached
to you, put them to my test otherwise you’ll be babysitting.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Now,
before you think I’m going to get all Indiana Jones/boy scout on you, which is
kind of the right idea only a little <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">too</i>
gung ho (in fact, I quit scouts because we never did anything outdoors) <u>these
are real issues that will crop up in a guy’s life</u>, so he might as well man
up for them. If he wasn’t taught by his guardians, he can learn from hairy old
gorillas like me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Speaking
of scouts, start a fire by rubbing sticks together? I’ve never seen anyone
actually do it, so that’s unrealistic and like I said, too gung ho, but it <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">does</i> segue into the first requirement.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Build a fire using the basics: kindling, leaves/paper, wood
and a match. At a party I went to, the soft cardigan-wearing host threw an
armful of pine chunks into a pit, splashed butane all over it, and lit it,
thinking that it would ignite into a roaring, toasty burn. To his
embarrassment, his flash in the pan petered out, of course. A fire feeds on
three inputs: heat, fuel, and oxygen. Our boy host didn’t see to the heat
element. I hope he doesn’t struggle the same way in the bedroom! Incidentally,
a lighter rather than a match is fine. It’s the chemistry that’s important for
a man to understand. Oh the romantic double entendres! And back to the grill,
if he’s got at least the caveman thing down of growing a fire correctly, other
worlds will open up to him like lighting propane. It’s a snap.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Change a flat. You <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">will
</i>blow a tire at some time. It’s more certain than death and taxes. It’s so guaranteed
that the tools to swap it out come standard in vehicles. Not knowing how to fix
a flat is like not knowing how to sharpen a pencil. The only challenge is the grit
needed to twist the lug wrench… which is why it falls into guy territory most
of the time. However, plenty of ladies have this skill. Yes, believe it or not,
I’ve fixed flats for two oblivious dudes! Disgraceful.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Swim. For crying out loud, this planet is mostly water. To
the scouts thing again, swimming is one of their badges. My son went with his
pack to a pool to earn his merit, yet most of the kids couldn’t (or wouldn’t)
go in the deep end. They got their badges anyway. Scary. Ladies, if you got a
landlubber on your hands, no matter what his age, he can skip down to the rec
center and learn floatation. There’s no shame in learning. If he refuses, go to
the beach and frolic the surf in front of him with some other studs. No, just
kidding. Actually, just go ahead and send him home where his mommy will kiss it
and make it all better.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Tie a tie and polish shoes. These are listed together because
the guy might have the neck apparel knotted correctly, but is wearing a pair of
trashed shoes! Why even put on a tie then? Even old shoes can clean up nicely,
so if the male doesn’t at least give these two eye-catchers attention, can you
imagine what a spoiled slob he is at home? Of course kiddo needs to learn to
tie a tie because—we hope—he’ll grow up and interview for a job or become an
entrepreneur.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">He works. It may not be the best job. Maybe he bitches about
it, but a man earns his keep if he’s able-bodied. If he thinks his skills are
above the job, he works anyway while taking action to get a fitting occupation.
Remember Eddie, the brother-in-law from the Vacation movies? What a catch!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><span style="font-size: large;">
</span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">He pays his damn bills. This may sound like a no-brainer,
but it's critical because of <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">honor</b>—something
our society is losing. You borrow money, you pay the creditors back on time. If
a goof-off has late fees all over his accounts, he’s just going to drag you
into misery.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;"> Those are the
non-negotiable expectations. I fought an impulse to list: start a lawn mower,
bait a hook, read a tape measure, whittle, and some other testosterone treats,
but in fairness, I felt I should stay on theme. How come there was no mention
of drinking beer, tools, hunting, hot rods, boxing; all of which I and other
males enjoy? Because they have nothing to do with actual manhood. You see…my
father defined being a man better than anyone I’ve ever heard. At a formative
age of 14, I thought masculinity was having muscles, babes, martial arts training,
robust chest hair, a big ding-a-ling, you know…all that macho crap. But Dad
corrected that a man simply takes responsibility for himself and his loved
ones.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt 0.25in; text-indent: 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">That makes sense
doesn’t it? If you can’t swim, your dumbass can drown. Not very responsible.
You need a job. It’s a good idea to be able to provide warmth for yourself and
family. That car, which will pop a radial, is important for livelihood and Mr.
Grown-Up can be prepared for it. Responsibility. These are the bare-bone,
minimal requirements.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt 0.25in; text-indent: 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Lest one think I
may be a chauvinist, if I had a daughter, I’d teach her these things, too—more importantly,
to demand them of any suitors. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt 0.25in; text-indent: 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Don’t get me
wrong. To each his own. Bro, It’s your business if you wear those God-awful
scarves as a fashion statement, and beanies in blazing hot weather. Go ahead
and stretch your ear lobes in gauges all the way down to your ass where they
dangle like snot in the wind. I don’t care. Hell, I like Star Wars, belching, scantily
covered women, tattoos, motorcycles, on and on. Let’s be clear, though. Those
are luxuries, not measurements.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt 0.25in; text-indent: 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">Sadly, America
has raised full-grown males, handy with their joy sticks, clad in their muscle
bound avatars, blowing virtual stuff up, but they missed the train out of adolescence
through these delusions. It's also why texting and driving rules out junior from being a man...because it's irresponsible.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">GUSTO Dave</span>Chiseled in Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02545077591839974850noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2582274004296638852.post-3990763603268149662015-10-07T06:00:00.000-06:002015-10-07T06:00:07.757-06:00Necflix 2015: An All Time Great<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPvo3auSAQBPL155nZrZBgrEsHAwMVj5H1z3eZROZee3iwT0gdZMacBJG0DPOZ5KIO8_RVSKvTwLpo6mVhLN43WPgFlePMf2-wMwVwM1I2tkVdR5gQzhWtTUV90jFRo4T8P8f1tNvY_mY/s1600/dark-horror-creepy-art-works45-inspimo-thumb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPvo3auSAQBPL155nZrZBgrEsHAwMVj5H1z3eZROZee3iwT0gdZMacBJG0DPOZ5KIO8_RVSKvTwLpo6mVhLN43WPgFlePMf2-wMwVwM1I2tkVdR5gQzhWtTUV90jFRo4T8P8f1tNvY_mY/s320/dark-horror-creepy-art-works45-inspimo-thumb.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Rise up
from your day-to-day grave, your slumber of work, eat, sleep, and monotony by
joining me with this brazen look of cinema that forces you to look the Reaper in
his eyes (like a good horror movie should) and make you thankful for the
routine, the beaten path/rat race. Or do you dare venture into the dark twisted
forest with me? I’ll protect you. Scouts honor.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>So, I’m
thrilled to share this first film recommendation with you. All hail M. Night Shyamalan!
Finally a perfect horror tale out of Hollywood! <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Visit</i> just made it to my top ten all-time favorite scary
movies. I normally hate ‘mockumentaries’, but this is one for which I’ll make
an exception. The audience gasped, jumped, chuckled, and at the end applauded. It’s
next to impossible to find a writer/director who understands the genre enough to
capture all the things a horror film should be: fear, believability, and a
sense of playfulness, yet Shyamalan nails it this time. You know how
run-of-the-mill fright shows usually have some inane violent/spooky scene
forced into the first five minutes to mark its genre? Well, this doesn’t need
it because the dialogue and interaction between the brother and sister, doomed to
visit their grandparents’ house with a shocking revelation, steal the show, especially
the boy. Every time something disturbing happens, which should alert the kids
to run for their lives, it’s explained, diffusing the situation and making the
trip oh so fun until… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>While
we’re at it, Shyamalan’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Devil</i> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Signs</i> are way up there as well. No
nudity and low on violence, these were attractions I was glad to share with
junior years ago.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
next thumbs up goes to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Countess</i> starring
Julie Delpy. Written and directed by this Oscar nominated, multi-talented actor
(she also has <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">composer</i> credits!), the
film is shelved as a biography/drama. Nonetheless, it’s about Erzabet Bathory
and anyone who relishes an eerie story knows that Liz insanely <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">bathed—oh the irony—</i>in<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i>servants’ blood to prolong her youth. She
made Vlad the Impaler look like the lovable Tom Hanks. At least Vlad was
torturing enemies to win a war! Because Bathory’s murders were so unspeakable,
there doesn’t need to be any creepy tone added. Delpy masterfully shows us a
sympathetic character who, due to misogyny, descends into madness. The costumes,
sets, and cast are outstanding. It also stars William Hurt and Daniel Bruhl. In
spite of the countess’s sanguine rituals, little blood drips on the screen. This
is a film I offer to friends who aren’t necessarily horror buffs, but enjoy a
well-done, out-of-the-comfort-zone tragedy. In fact, if you love scary flicks,
this may disappoint you, but considering the season, I’m compelled to praise it
right here right now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>This
next one may surprise you as it’s a literary classic never categorized as
horror, but <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Lord of the Flies</i> the
1990 adaptation will positively raise the hairs and damn near burn them off
your neck. Stephen King even cites the novel as one of his influences. A pack
of kids left to their own devices in the wild, regressing into barbarism, oh
yeah, this is truly a petrifying premise.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>With the
passing of Wes Craven, I’d be remiss not to mention what I thought was his
masterpiece. Yeah, Freddie found his way into our household lingo due to the
character’s originality and wit, but <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The
Serpent and the Rainbow</i> is about the only zombie film I know of that stays
true to the Voodoo mythology and makes you jump a couple of times. Craven goes
right for the fear of being buried alive.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Peter
Jackson’s remake of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">King Kong</i>, if by
some chance you’ve been living in a cave and haven’t seen it already, is a
must. Not only is the beauty and the beast pragma compelling, but the giant
insects in the canyon scene—ick, it makes me shudder as I scribe—defines this
blockbuster as quintessential horror. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>For
good reads, I’m delving into <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Amulet</i>
by Michael McDowell who penned the screenplays for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Beetlejuice</i> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Nightmare
Before Christmas. </i>Although I’m not finished with it, the characterization
and first eerie demise excites me to go ahead and plug it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Happy Halloween!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">(Spoken in my deep, crackly voice)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ghosto Dave<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br />Chiseled in Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02545077591839974850noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2582274004296638852.post-58981486521865902982015-09-16T12:48:00.001-06:002015-09-16T12:48:41.949-06:00The Taboo of Using the Term Literary
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">You’re a literary writer? So that must mean you’re rich, privileged,
and a graduate from an ivy-league school. No? Well then you can’t be a literary
writer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">10 years ago, I fell into an email discussion with my
writers organization about what literary meant. It astounded me that just a
couple of weeks ago, the same damn debate surfaced with a similar group. All
this technology, education, and savvy, and we still bump around in the dark,
clueless to the meaning of a word.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">By the end of this article, you’ll side with me to snuff the
term altogether. But not before I milk it for the absurdity.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Let’s start in an obvious place, a dictionary. My
20-year-old, hardback Webster along with Dictionary.com define it as: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Of, relating to, or
dealing with literature. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Thank you for that thorough explanation! Ergo (doesn’t that
sound literary?), this prompts the look up of that snobby last word as well from
the same sources: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Literature: A body of
writings in prose or verse. Imaginative or creative writing especially of
recognized artistic value.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Whew! I’m glad that’s cleared up. I mean…we all know what
artistic and recognized is right? On the contrary, the adjective ‘artistic’ is
so overused, abused, and cheapened it might as well be standing on Colfax with
a bottle of gin.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Maybe literary is like love. We all know it, but can’t
explain it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If you fell for that, you’ve been disqualified. Wrong
answer. It <u>can</u> be explained and I’ll gladly shoulder the burden. Even
though I’ve not traced the Latin root of ‘lit’, it probably means something
like light or truth. If you think about the word literal which basically means
brazenly truthful, then literary <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">is prose that emulates the real world</b>, something that could truly
happen. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I can hear the debates now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Then why is James Bond not literary, spies are real? Because
it’s not realistic to get shot at that many times and escape without even a
hair out of place.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Then why is romance not literary, people fall in love every day?
Real couples don’t fall in love like they do in romance yarns, ladies. (Yes, I’ve
read lots of Harlequins in my pursuit for publication). Romance is fantasy. Men
aren’t like that. Look at your adorable hubby who is scratching his privates
while watching Duck Dynasty.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Of course literary is difficult to write because everyday
life can be monotonous and the author better know how to use conflict well and
explore emotions. And this leads to the elitism. Because literary is so
difficult, a novice is not welcomed into the club of literary writers who are
bankrolling their great grandchildren’s ivy-league educations from royalty
checks. Pity.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So let’s use a term from centuries past that’s just as good:
Drama. Nevermind that it usually pertains to plays. That’s more snobbery. A
story that can really happen that explores the emotional highs and lows is
quite simply a drama. No need for another label.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Gusto <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Chiseled in Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02545077591839974850noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2582274004296638852.post-26584042572675771492015-08-05T12:23:00.000-06:002015-08-05T12:23:46.189-06:00Before You Hit a Conference, Here's What's Happening With NY Publishing<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIiMXeh65kFp0MqRurbJ1gQZuq1C4GoUfsK_GjTLM2XnSeAcqqiJYc0ucFeCw-fCTaO4s8ToMOl7Eug-kUa_3NCEgoJ8t5nBvppmOsSP1ITYs9lKjymkM9-xJO3Npke8T87nhkf5F7B_E/s1600/Snoopy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIiMXeh65kFp0MqRurbJ1gQZuq1C4GoUfsK_GjTLM2XnSeAcqqiJYc0ucFeCw-fCTaO4s8ToMOl7Eug-kUa_3NCEgoJ8t5nBvppmOsSP1ITYs9lKjymkM9-xJO3Npke8T87nhkf5F7B_E/s1600/Snoopy.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The name of the game is entrepreneur. Roll that word around
on your tongue for a spell. While you’re at it, you can reshuffle the job of writing to the bottom rung of your to-do list.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A few years ago, a speaker at one of my favorite conferences
(Rocky Mountain Fiction Writers Colorado Gold) had the vision of the future in
regards to publishing, shared it, scared the lunch out of my back side—the same
could probably be said for my fellow addicts...whoops, I mean writers—and sure
enough he was dead on. It has come to pass. The days of the talented <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">new</i></b>
writer being ‘discovered’ by the mighty New York press machine are all but on
life support if even that. Publishers sign writers via different means now. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But who can blame The Big Apple for its modern strategy?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Have you ever seen Shark Tank? Before you register for a
seminar and editor/agent pitches, tuck that TV program into the back of your mind.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If you decide to attend the convention, you’ll probably get
a kick out of the similarities between the investor/product inventor
negotiations and the editor/writer pitches. No doubt, somewhere in the
conference, you’ll wander into a workshop on ‘developing your brand’, much like
James Patterson is a brand. If you get a little face time with an agent,
chances are they’ll ask you about your media presence: Twitter, Instagram,
Facebook, etcetera which work like a dream for established celebrities, but just
drain precious time like life blood from struggling writers. That’s not just my
opinion. Ask the aspiring authors at the conference and you may unleash a
Pandora’s Box of groaning.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Note, also, that independent presses (or for clarity,
publishers other than the biggies in New York) consume most of the conferences
these days. Sure, some heavy players will be there, but for the most part, they’re
hanging out to haggle with the agents <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">who
have placed their clients with indies and are ripe for the next step</b>. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Think about it. If you were an editor with an acquisition budget
to risk on a keyboard plucker, wouldn’t you want to know that he or she has investments in their business, some established tenacity, maybe even a little bit of a following?
All New York has to do is kick back, watch Amazon, and take its pick of
desperate novelists who are ‘on the brink’. I think this is pretty smart of the
giant presses. Make no mistake. It <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">IS</b>
their business model now for regular-joe new acquisitions. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Recently, I mentioned on the Rock that back in the day, I
had pals who got picked up by New York at conferences. Bam. Pow. Like out of
the movies, somebody’s dream just came true in a five minute meeting. Yet those
victory stories started waning basically to almost nothing. Even with small reputable
presses, the book deals dwindled. That’s because all the editors hit a slump of
us writers who value putting words on paper much more than spending time trying
to be the popular kid on Twitter. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This current technique <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">does</i>
yield fruit though. I have a good friend, talented mystery writer, who has
worked her tail off and just recently signed a contract with one of the giants…after
paying dues with a classy independent for several years. We’ll probably be
interviewing her shortly. I’m SO tickled for her.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Here’s to you attracting a big money investor at your next
novel pitch!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Cheers,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Gusto<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Chiseled in Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02545077591839974850noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2582274004296638852.post-56056883595909327902015-07-15T06:00:00.000-06:002015-07-15T07:17:26.924-06:00The Starving Artist's Grocery GuideThree weeks of groceries for $93. I'M THE CHEAPEST MAN ON EARTH AND DAMN PROUD OF IT.<br />
<br />
Unless you are sponsored financially by a partner, or actually have a career in this dismal economic landscape, if you also claim the profession of writer, chances are you're waiting on the 'big break' and scraping by. It makes it easier to get by if one knows how to cheat the grocery stores. I don't mean stealing. Rather, I'm talking about how to avoid falling for the pathetic marketing machine that makes the typical shopper think he or she needs to drop $600 a month.<br />
<br />
Before I go in for the haggle, keep in mind that I'm single, no pets. I make special dinners once or twice a month, and feed my kiddo about 7 full days in the same time period. But I know others who share my demographic who spend 4 to 5 times as much as I do.<br />
<br />
I don't clip coupons. King Soopers sends me discounts on stuff I typically buy (Big Brother is watching) and I use them when I remember, but I save probably only about $20 a month tops by doing so. Budgeting and choice are the key strategies.<br />
<br />
This menu is healthy too. I'm pushing 50 and still look damn good.<br />
<br />
For vegans and organic grub buffs, sorry, I can't help you. You'll have to go on paying out the nose for your selections.<br />
<br />
<u>So, mute your growling tummy if you will and check out the </u><em><u>don'ts</u>:</em> <br />
<br />
No soft drinks. Don't get me wrong. I hanker for an ice cold Coke from time to time, but in no way does my body need one or two daily. Even though Coca-Cola is brilliant at presenting those 12 packs as cheap, if you do the math, you'll probably see that the carbonated syrup eats up at least $10 bucks of your bill a week.<br />
<br />
Water. Drink it out of the tap. Why would anyone pay for something you get for free? There is no proof to show bottled water is any better for you.<br />
<br />
Pre-packaged goods that are set up for daily servings. The <em>lunch packs</em> and <em>breakfast sandwiches</em> are devastating to a budget. Buy the big jar of apple sauce, spoon it into a little container, and take it to work with you daily. Cook the eggs and sausage for all week and keep them in Tupperware in the fridge.<br />
<br />
Candy, cookies, ice cream, chips -- junk. Of course we all want these from time to time. I have a SUHWEEEEEET tooth myself, but I limit that kind snacking to weekends only.<br />
<br />
So called sports drinks. They're not much more than Kool-Aid. Yeah, so they got electrolytes in them. You can get those from chow you're already buying. <br />
<br />
Coupon items that you never buy usually. You're not saving money. It's just the opposite. The marketing machine just got you to <em>pay for</em> something else! That 20 to 50 cents the manufacturer waived didn't hurt them. They have it all priced to 'appear' like they're cutting you a deal.<br />
<br />
<u>These are the foods you should optimize with your budget</u>:<br />
<br />
Beans. They have electrolytes (damn, there went the excuse to buy sports drinks), a rock bottom price, low fat, and they're great as a replacement for meat when it comes to protein. I use them in burritos for lunch, nachos, and hell, just plain old beans and ham hocks. And when you get my age, you come to appreciate the regularity advantages.<br />
<br />
Pasta. At least a week's worth of my meals a month will be pasta based like spaghetti, macaroni and cheese, or pasta salad. The carbs are great for running.<br />
<br />
Bananas and apples. Man, I'm always surprised at how cheap bananas are. Great for snacks. Apples, by the way, prevent doctors from chasing you like vampires according to cryptic tales.<br />
<br />
Peanut butter. To tell the truth, I'm not much of a PB&J fan. It doesn't squash my hunger. However, as a snack before a sensible lunch like a salad or baked potato, it's perfect.<br />
<br />
Oatmeal and bran cereals. A big tube of <em>generic</em> oats lasts me two weeks.<br />
<br />
Eggs. Check this out. Even though eggs are expensive right now, I've been eating breakfast burritos for lunch all week (sausage, cheese, eggs, tortilla, and a little salsa) and subsequently the cost each day for a pretty hearty meal is less than 2 bucks a day. Still a helluvadeal. <br />
<br />
Chicken. These little cluckers are still unbelievably cheap as far as I'm concerned. There are so many of them and they're so easy to breed, I think if we had a nuclear catastrophe, the fowl would rule the Earth. Buy them in the meat department and cook them yourself in a crock pot with all kinds of vegies.<br />
<br />
If you plan a few meals with the aforementioned, you'll be surprised how much coin you'll have left to splurge with and round out the rest of your meal planning with reasonable vegetables. By the way, it's not beneath me to shop in stores that specialize in damaged cans and discontinued items. Talk about deals! At Esh's in Greeley, I scored a 35 oz can of coffee for $7!<br />
<br />
For me, I look at food buying as a survival thing. If I were on a desert island, would I want soft drinks or chicken? Think about shopping this way first, and the pocketbook will reflect the gains. You'll also appreciate fancy meals <em>much</em> more.<br />
<br />
<br />
Gusto<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Chiseled in Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02545077591839974850noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2582274004296638852.post-76160516402152323262015-06-16T19:00:00.001-06:002015-06-16T19:15:40.037-06:00My Son to the Rescue (Instead of Father's Day, How About Son's Day?)<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
Depression can creep around a
hurting soul like ivy. What’s worse is the big D entices you into a gloomy way
of life, sometimes to a point of no return. But in many cases, happiness is
waiting with a change of perspective, and in my situation, a nudge from an
unexpected hero.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>My darkness
started in 2000 when in one week, I changed jobs, bought a new house, moved to
a different state, got married, and my father died of cancer. The following
year brought the loss of my mom and grandmother, and a layoff from the job I
loved. Save for the birth of my son and a couple of other blessings, life
looked pretty bleak. The recession had cheapened my profession almost into
oblivion and I was running scared. Through it all, I worked hourly jobs,
determined to help provide for my family, and hated my predicament. Later, I
would learn that this noble attitude of staying busy and keeping my nose to the
grindstone with angst is called <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">projection</i>
in psychiatric circles.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The worst
was yet to come.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>New Year’s
Eve 2012, my wife blindsided me with a divorce notification. Looking back, I
couldn’t blame her. I was miserable to live with. If I thought I was next to worthless
before, I turned into a train wreck after that. Each email from her attorney
sent me into a panic. A day didn’t pass where I failed to bawl. The greatest
pain—I’d let my son down. No more happy family. Guilt became a powerful ally
for depression.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>On the
advice of counselors, friends, and family, I read self-help books, stuck with
my workouts, and mingled, but as far as I could see, rock bottom was where I’d
stay forever.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>A
surprising source showed me the way up. At a comic con, my son, cash burning a
hole in his pants, paid $20 for a shoddy necklace—we’re talking about the kind
you find in gum machines—which, of course, fell apart within an hour. I tried
to dissuade kiddo from begging for a refund, certain they’d tell him to get
lost. In tears, he hounded me. I relented. We meandered back to the vendors’
table. They were very gracious and promptly swapped with him. My jaw nearly
unhinged in amazement. I had been so twisted with funk that a simple refund
seemed like a miracle. It marked the first hint that my view of the world had
strayed way out of alignment. I told my son that very instant that he’d made a
lasting impression and I would commit to working on my attitude. He continued
being an inspiration because of how well he adjusted after the divorce. His
grades remained strong as did his spirit. Most importantly, he loved me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Soon, the
self-help books started making more sense. This theme kept cropping up in them
and resonating with me: You have all the tools right now to achieve
contentment. Like with any discipline, martial arts for instance, time and
practice is critical. I didn’t just become giddy overnight. In fact, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">operation happiness</i> seemed undoable many
times, but I kept plugging. Per my therapist’s advice, I maintained a journal
of bad things, recording my first thoughts about them and knee-jerk feelings. After
a few months, I learned that a super high percentage of the entries were
non-issues. Most of the ‘horrors’, I didn’t even remember. My thoughts and
feelings in the situation were off-the-charts unjustified. This realization <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">to just roll with it</i> felt like gaining a
superpower. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Compassion
burgeoned in me. Taking one day at a time, challenges weren’t so
insurmountable. Rarely did anything bother me. I found love again as well. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
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A better job with great benefits
and hours also came my way. Although not fitting to my background, it turned
out to be a gift that kept giving. The position, which required lots of customer
interaction, earned me constant praise on my voice. Remarks like: “You should
be an announcer,” or, “I could listen to you talk all day,” flattered me often.
They reminded me that during the college days and shortly thereafter, I
performed in restaurants and coffee houses. On my girlfriend’s requests, I
picked up the six-string again. With a fresh outlook on life, and a passion for
‘remaking’ oldies with my own style, I've been hanging with musicians again. The best part is: my drummer son wants to be a part of it. Courtesy of Tumbling Dice, junior got to sit on stage with their drummer. Who knows?
Maybe I have the next Bruno Mars on my hands.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
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As adults, we often think of kids
as flexible, especially when it comes to physical aspects like sports injuries
or their ability to sleep in the most awkward of positions. But if we really
take a closer look, their flexibility across the board is astounding. With
today’s technology alone, they are constantly relearning. To find myself again,
all I needed to do was relearn. And it proved to be a great rediscovery.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
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My friends listen to me play
and tell me that they’re glad to see my smile again, that I’ve come a long way.
I always answer, “It wasn’t me. Of all places, a convention for superheroes, my
son flew in and gave me a blast of his powers.”<o:p></o:p></div>
Chiseled in Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02545077591839974850noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2582274004296638852.post-43687123650335402232015-05-20T11:11:00.000-06:002015-05-20T11:11:15.844-06:00Quarry: A Submission Parody
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Any writer worth his or her salt is cringing at the spelling
in that title. Oh, call it an inspiration from watching Bill Murray on David
Letterman last night, or maybe my restlessness with the publishing industry,
but I feel like having some hardcore, irreverent fun. I’ve always wondered what
kind of responses I would get if I sent out a query letter intentionally
fraught with errors and inane ideas.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Thus, here is the inquiry I will be sending out to agencies
and presses to see what kind of bizarre fish might bite. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
###</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Quarry: the Blossom in my Shoo, a romantic Spense by Milo
Angsy phd. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Its not what you think. Please reed on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Blondy bond shell Trigger Norris was a wellknown
firecracker. She didn’t take no crap from nobody. Her way or the hiway. One
day, a purchase of a brand new pair of pumps changed all that. The shoo
salesman was so hot. And really nice. But is he a space alien? Trigger simply
can’t wield her regular attitude at him. Things she usually hates about guys,
hairy arms, protruding Adam’s apples, and football worship (he wears a
Cleveland Browns wrist bands), she finds adorable in this nerdy clekr. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Well, he asks her on a date and she finds herself somehow
uttering yes, and before you know it they’re chomping dinner at Applebee’s,
swappin their life stories. His name is Milo. AND HE REALLY TELLS HER THAT HE’S
AN ALIEN FROM PLUTO, the planet that is no longer classefied as a planet
anymore so he got kicked out with all the rest of his shpecies. At first she’s
kind of creeped out, but then she gets into it because HE seems to believe as
much.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When a robbery breaks out in the restaurant and the bad guys
take them hostage, weird things start to happen. It’s not like Milo is a
superhero or anythin. But the crooks get in wacky arguments with him every time
they threaten to hurt Trigger. Will he prove to be her night in shiny armor?
And what is that in Trigger’s shoo?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Inspired by 50 Shades of Grey, this book will sell millions.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As you can see, I am a doctor. My doctor’s degree is in
paranormal investigation. That alone should makes this a hit as there is some
reallife stuff in there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I would be happy to come to your office and discuss the
contract. No need to send a limo. I’m quite humble and eager to share lots of
funds with you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">You can reach me tomorrow between 8AM and 7PM Mountain time.
Please don’t call during lunch. Oh, and I can call you if that works out better
too. If there’s any reason you can’t chat tomorrow let me know and we can work
around next week also. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Doctor Milo Angsly<o:p></o:p></span></div>
and <span style="font-family: Calibri;">Author<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
###</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Yes, I’m really going to send this. I’ll share any
interesting responses. Disclaimer: I have written romances before and they are
NOT easy, so please don’t take this as a dig to the genre. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ta, ta.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Gusto<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Chiseled in Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02545077591839974850noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2582274004296638852.post-14788423084583977322015-04-29T12:57:00.000-06:002015-04-29T12:58:39.823-06:00On the Verge Part 3 by Cardinal Robbins<div id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_1988" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_1989" style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">Last time, I shared the need for metrics generated by your brand and explained how writing fanfic (fan fiction) can greatly benefit you – <i>if</i> your eyes are on writing for a TV or streaming media show created by someone else. I was all hot to write for John Munch's character on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, putting long months of sweat equity into writing heavily-researched fanfic. It was a great way to ensure I could write <b>all</b> of the ensemble's characters well.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
</div>
<div id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_1986" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_1990" style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">Here's a hurdle for you. While I was writing my first of two spec scripts, it was time to try for the brass ring: an agent. It can all become a muddled Catch-22 situation, and it was no different for me. To get your foot in the door, you need to have an agent, because no legitimate production company is going to risk getting sued by reading unsolicited (non-agent submitted) work.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
</div>
<div id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_1984" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_1985" style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">Agents don't want to represent you for one or two spec scripts you've written for your favorite show, no matter the popularity of the show or how well you write. Unless you're seeking a staff position and have the talent to get invited into the Writers' Room, agents are absolutely convinced you <i id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_2094"><b id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_2093">cannot</b></i> provide them with a steady revenue stream. Thus, you're not worth them so much as saying, “Sorry. Pass.” Every agent between NYC and LA has stacks of L&O: SVU specs piled high to the sky. We'll talk more about what I call “the agency dilemma” in a future blog post. I wanted to acknowledge it now, so no one would think I'd somehow scored an agent in advance.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
</div>
<div id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_2090" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_2095" style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">Let's talk about some of the things I did to be sure my script was too good to be ignored:</span></div>
<div id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_2088" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_2089" style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">To make sure my story was a strong one, I shared it confidentially with those who were the most dedicated and detail-oriented in my group of fellow fans. These were the people who would bust me on anything that I tried to pass off as canon which wasn't. Those who had police procedural expertise would also stop me cold if I played too fast and loose with how law enforcement agencies actually operate.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
</div>
<div id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_1983" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_2096" style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">In an attempt to prevent too much, “That's not the way it works!” comments, my first call was to our local police department. Burbank (CA) has a department which understands community outreach, especially reaching out to the entertainment industry. In no time at all, I was at headquarters with a high ranking officer and nationally respected detective, encouraged to ask every question on my mind about how an Internal Affairs investigation really took place. Not too long after that, I was accepted for the BPD's Community Academy, which was a very thorough overview of everything you wanted to know about our city's law enforcement agency. (Yes, there was a graduation ceremony and reception. The BPD takes community education very seriously, for which I'm still extremely grateful. Sometimes a free series of seminars can be worth more than anything money could buy.)</span><br />
</div>
<div id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_1982" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_2097" style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">Fortunately, thanks to social media, I'd made friends with a really cool woman on Facebook who is also a John Munch/SVU fan. She's a Special Agent (Forensics) for the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation. She's not only exceptional at what she does for her state's equivalent to the FBI, but offered her expertise to me whenever a project needed to be 100% realistic. She is a natural instructor who has taught me more about DNA evidence than I ever could have hoped to learn. (It's a paltry payback for her amazing generosity, but I swap her advice on re-qualifying with her weapon; she has to remain proficient with her Glock. I'd happily buy her a personal Starbucks franchise for her living room, if I could!) </span><span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_2098" style="line-height: 100%;">It takes a village to write, no matter how you access necessary information. Between law enforcement and the internet, I was getting an education and serious progress was being made.</span><br />
</div>
<div id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_1978" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_1980" style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">The next major hurdle? I needed to know the language of the Writers' Room...especially the showrunner. If you can't speak their language, there's no way in Hades you'll be able to discuss what works, what doesn't, revisions from the writer's side, or changes other people in the process (director, actor, editor, producers, etc) need you to make. No matter what people tell you, there is no single book which will provide complete information on show-speak. I referenced at least four books, while digging for info on the web – keep in mind there wasn't as much internet-based information available just a few short years ago.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
</div>
<div id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_2119" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_2120" style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">This is where social media helped tremendously. I got on Twitter and started following the SVU cast, as well as #hashtags which led me to more fans. Additionally – because Mr. Belzer is such an interesting fellow – I was not only re-tweeting things he said on Twitter, I was ferreting out things other Belzer fans would find irresistible and tweeting about it. I made sure to include Belz's Twitter handle, in case he needed to correct me on anything. During all this, I became acquainted with SVU's newest showrunner, the incomparable Warren Leight, who had just taken over from Neal Baer.</span></div>
<div id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_2100" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_2099" style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">Why is this important? Networking is always good, even if it's just introducing yourself as another fan of the show. Also, Warren was a <i>tremendous</i> shot in the arm for SVU from a writer's standpoint: Neal Baer's Writers' Room was a closed shop, while Warren was not only open to new writers, he genuinely wanted to give good scribes a hand up. He works much more along the lines of what the Writers Guild of America had in mind, when they began requiring shows to use at least two new writers every season.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
</div>
<div id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_2102" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_2101" style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">I'm a curious cat, to say the very least. I like to meet interesting people, less for networking and more to see if there are ways I can help them. Social media, especially Twitter, allowed me to do this while having the most fun ever, I kid you not! Little did I realize, people started to seek out my tweets, respond to them, and suddenly the ball was rolling – my expertise on the details of Belz's career garnered attention from a lot of people. </span><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">Including the man himself.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
</div>
<div id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_2116" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_2117" style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">Warren had been extremely encouraging all along, with the express knowledge I would <i><b>never</b></i> pitch to him. (I'm enough of a professional to respect that policy. I'd even mentioned it to him first – no pitching!) The SVU writing staff is a friendly, approachable, fabulously helpful group of people. More than once I needed sage advice from my favorite SVU writer and he never failed to steer me in the right direction or share pointers generously, as long as I wasn't specific. (No pitching!) One of the writers' assistants gave me much needed nit-picky details about things like Munch's new shield number via his promotion to sergeant – even sending me a photo of him holding the prop badge. I feel extraordinarily fortunate to have made the acquaintance of so many wonderful individuals. The writers' assistant? He's written two episodes of the series and the young man is no slouch!</span></div>
<div id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_2115" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">What is today's take away?</span></div>
<ul id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_2103">
<li id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_2114"><div id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_2113" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">At this phase, get plot/story critiques from those who thoroughly know your audience. </span> </div>
</li>
<li id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_2112"><div id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_2111" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_2110" style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">Do your research by studying, digging deep, making connections, and asking if there are local experts you can interview. </span> </div>
</li>
<li id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_2105"><div id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_2104" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_2109" style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">Establish connections via e-mail, by social media, basically in every way possible – not so you can shamelessly use people for your own means, but because it's incredibly enjoyable and you never know where it will lead.</span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_2107" style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430333274750_2106" style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">Next time, we'll talk about how friendly networking (to volunteer your services) can lead to things you never thought possible – not in your <i>wildest</i> dreams.</span></div>
<div class="base-card-clear">
</div>
Chiseled in Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02545077591839974850noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2582274004296638852.post-25978584925311011472015-03-18T06:00:00.000-06:002015-03-18T17:09:38.388-06:00On the Verge 2: A Writing Addict's Quest to See Where Curiosity or Insanity Takes Her<br />
<div class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Viner Hand ITC"; font-size: 18pt;">On
the Verge<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">A Writing Addict's Quest to See Where <s>Curiosity</s> Insanity Takes
Her</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">By Cardinal Robbins<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">Last time, I shared what my obsession with writing feels like, as well
as what it's like when your favorite author seems sent from Above to convey one
clear message: Do. Not. Quit. <b><i>EVER.</i></b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">You just cannot argue with that when it happens. If you haven't
received your 'cosmic intervention' yet, you <i>will</i>. A song on the radio
playing every time you make tangible progress, a friend who tells you something
they've never said to you before, a kind soul who takes you aside – while
knowing little about you – explaining you're golden, you dare not stop now.
Yes...you're on the verge.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal; mso-bidi-language: HI; mso-fareast-font-family: SimSun; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal; mso-bidi-language: HI; mso-fareast-font-family: SimSun; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN;">The first thing you'll feel is overwhelmed. I
remember the first time, thinking, <i>If I'm genuinely supposed to do this, why
am I feeling pulled in ten thousand different directions?</i> Because it's </span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal; mso-bidi-language: HI; mso-fareast-font-family: SimSun; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">time to sit down, take a deep breath, then ask yourself, <i>What is my
heart's desire? </i>A novel? A play? The urge to storm Hollywood with the
latest, greatest script about something no one has seen before? Think about
what grabs and holds on to your passion. (Not some “Fifty Shades of Gray”
throbbing of the er...'heart'...either. That's not the passion we're talking
about here.) If you have a near compulsion to share something with others via
the written word, <b><i>that</i></b> is where you begin – with hard decisions.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal; mso-bidi-language: HI; mso-fareast-font-family: SimSun; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">Here's how it shook out with yours truly: I'm an avid fan of “Law &
Order: Special Victims Unit,” because of an extremely talented fellow by the
name of Richard Belzer. I can quote chapter and verse when it comes to his
character, Det. Sgt. John Munch, whose fame began on “Homicide” and carried
into at least ten shows. (More like twelve or so, but who's counting?)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">Richard's character was under-utilized in most seasons of the show.
Sure, he was definitely a strong presence thanks to his natural charisma, but
rarely did the writers dig deep and give him a script featuring his character
as it should have been written.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">Here's where it gets weird. (There will be a lot of this, expect it.) I
hung pretty tight with fellow Belzer fans online. As I got to know increasingly
greater numbers of people, they learned that writing was something I loved,
that I wanted to write again after a two-year hiatus from having written live
content for Apple. When I mentioned my determination to write a spec script for
SVU, an ensemble story revolving around Munch, they practically carried me to a
mecca of...don't cringe and roll your eyes!...fanfic. Yes, <i>fan fiction</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">Fanfic has always had a bad reputation for being nothing more than Mary
Sue/Marty Stu tales featuring unbelievably perfect gals or guys who could do
anything and everything to the extreme. She sings well enough the Metropolitan
Opera didn't even need her to audition? Check. He's lost 542 pounds and now has
a perfect 30-inch waist with no stretch marks or sagging skin? Check. Sparkly
vampire who doesn't incinerate on the beach and wears silver chains? Check.
Every one of us has seen at least one Mary Sue or Marty Stu and have the crow's
feet at the corners of our eyes from all the cringing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">My friends in fandom asked me to write some John Munch fanfic for them.
I complied because, who better than hardcore SVU fans to bluntly tell me
whether or not I'm writing those characters accurately?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">You might be surprised, but writing good fanfic such an educational
process I found articles recommending all would-be spec script writers need to
spend some serious time writing fanfic for fans of the show in question. Why?
Dedicated fans will tell you if you're on target or need to hang it up. And
tell you they will, in no uncertain terms. These people (myself included) will
give you invaluable feedback faster than any script doctor you've paid a small
fortune to – and the feedback is <i>free</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">NO sparkly vampires in my fanfic! You could practically smell the
gunshot residue on John's hands. I kept him in danger of losing his badge, his
pension and – more than a few times – his life. My fiction passed the test,
thanks to kind souls who generously took the time to give honest critiques. I
was getting close to taking the next step.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">During this time, keeping in mind all of this took place over 2001
through right now, lit agents had begun to drill it into every prospective
author that we need a platform and a brand. Brand, BRAND, <b><i>BRAND</i></b>.
(“Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!”) Fanfic was not only the greatest practice, it also
gave me plenty of time to consider how I wanted to present myself to the world.
Admittedly, it took me a while to figure out this “brand” stuff. I can market
the daylights out of everyone else, but was flummoxed at the prospects of doing
the same for myself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">Eventually, it fell into place. I had been using my pseudonym for
years, mostly to remain safe on the internet. Almost suddenly it evolved into
my brand – Cardinal Robbins, the tigress who wrote gritty cop fiction; shot a
Glock 35 well enough to be considered LAPD & FBI competent; did the time
and effort required for research; worked hard to create interesting,
well-developed, age-appropriate characters; a sense of humor, sure, but
no-nonsense, quietly determined to succeed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal; mso-bidi-language: HI; mso-fareast-font-family: SimSun; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN;">Fanfic quickly provided the fan base I needed
because “metrics” were another vital part of a writer's platform. <i>How many
fans do you have?</i> agents wondered. <i>Have your readers followed you on all
possible social media? How do you plan to get new followers?</i> It was <i>all</i>
about the numbers, which then and now equate to potential sales volume or
Neilsen ratings. If you don't have a way of proving you can get the numbers to
provide a revenue stream for an agent, either literary or entertainment, they
want nothing to do with you. Cold hard fact, Catch-22, but there it is.<br />
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As I transitioned from fanfic to writing my first SVU spec script, social media
was taking off
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">like a rocket to Pluto. My education is in marketing communications – I
took to social media like a Frenchman to foie gras, er...a duck to water, let's
say. Fiction and social media was, for me, a marriage made in heaven. Which was
a bonus, because while I had no idea at the time, it was my way in.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">Today's lesson</span></u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">Take the time to narrow down and <i>understand</i> your passion, what
you truly want to write. Then, find like-minded people to write for who
definitely 'get' what you're writing and are willing to give you nothing but <i>constructive</i>
feedback as they critique your efforts. (All my friends were <b>not</b> fans of
gritty cop fiction. I discovered that the hard way.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Mangal;">Next time, the rubber hits the road as we progress from fanfic to my
first SVU spec script.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Chiseled in Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02545077591839974850noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2582274004296638852.post-25402143762391125352015-03-14T18:38:00.001-06:002015-03-14T18:38:39.836-06:00The Gusto Dave Show<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/NjqWRDAptuQ" width="459"></iframe><br />Chiseled in Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02545077591839974850noreply@blogger.com3