Her first novel, Fresh Squeezed, a comedic thriller with incompetent hit men, stupid criminals, a drunk ferret, and several dogs, is now available in print and e-book.
The Critic by Bonnie Biafore
The life of a writer can be lonely, sitting in front of a computer for hours on end. Fortunately, I have two Bernese Mountain Dogs, Maia and Cole, to keep me company. What do they think of what I do for a living? Do I really want to know?
* * *
She sits at her desk hour after hour, pawing frenetically at her keyboard, like a Jack Russell Terrier burrowing into a rodent’s hole. The rhythm broken only when she reaches over, grabs her mug, and swigs whatever beverage it holds. Caffeine in the morning, alcohol as time passes--sometimes, very little time, I might add. Neither substance seems to improve the drivel she produces, but if it makes her happy…
I’m curled up in my chair, staring at her back. She’s oblivious, like Cole when he chases a squirrel. If only her focus delivered some noticeable successful result. I close my eyes and sigh. I must ponder the situation.
When I open my eyes, the sun has moved, but she hasn’t. I step out of my chair, amble over, and peer over her forearm at the screen. I scan what she’s written. Poor misguided creature.
“What?” she asks innocently.
“You make that Labrador out to be a buffoon. As if his sense of smell and filling his belly is his only motivation. Well, OK, he is a Lab, but you’re dangerously close to insulting.”
“Do you want a cookie?’
“Yes, of course.” I follow her to the closet, Cole close behind me, wagging his tail.
She hands over the treats. I crunch thoughtfully. A delectable mélange of peanut butter and molasses.
I follow her back to her desk and sit beside her. “And Tofu? You know that’s an embarrassing name for a hunting dog -- any dog for that matter. You don’t even mention how that makes him feel or how he compensates because of it.”
I give him a withering stare and he steps back.
“I’m…I’m a little thirsty. I’ll go get a drink.” He heads to the kitchen and laps at the bowl of water.
“Looks like you have more work to do,” I say gently but leaving no doubt. She is a successful writer, but only because of my mentoring.
She turns back to the screen and extends her hand toward the keyboard. I curl my toes on her knee and gaze at her meaningfully. It’s time for a break to clear the head and let those ideas solidify.
“Hey!” she says brightly.
My ears prick up.
“Do you want to go for a ride in the car?”
Cole starts barking, the effort lifting his front paws off the ground. I back up and grin, wagging my tail enthusiastically. It’s important to reward these creatures when they do something right. But really. Who got the idea humans are so smart? It took her -- what? -- four hours to get the message, for dog’s sake. Ah well, it keeps us in kibble.
Thanks for the fun post, Bonnie. I think Maia and Cole are much more patient and sweet than my Katie Cat. Now I'm starting to imagine her version of this conversation...and it isn't pretty.
Learn more about Bonnie and Fresh Squeezed at her website.You can also find her on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn.