You SUCK! (Or I’m Okay, You’re a Terrible Writer)

Written by j.a. kazimer last April 2010...

You Suck! Part I

How many people have to say you suck before you give up your dream of writing, and ‘get a real’ job? One? Ten? A hundred? Five hundred? How about 1,000? Congratulations to me, I officially suck!

Recently, I received the dreaded 1,000 rejection. Neatly typed in a form letter. It read something like: YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! Or at least that’s what the words, formed so prettily, said to me. Now mind you, 1,000 people haven’t told me that I suck. THAT would be humiliating. Nope, faceless emails from faceless agents, editors and interns at publishing houses have had that honor. And it must be an honor, because, well, I hear it so damn much!

And it doesn’t get any better once you land an agent. Not even a little bit. You see, my rejection is now a shared endeavor. Not only do I suck, but my poor agent sucks by proxy. Thankfully, when I signed my agent agreement, we agreed on a YOU SUCK clause. In other words, she doesn’t send me every rejection letter. She does pass along the ones that offer suggestions, or say nice things. I really hate those. You know the ones. They say stuff like LOVED your voice, LOVED the characters, LOVED the plot, but the young adult-urban fantasy-serial killer-one-armed detective market just isn’t selling right now...

Go figure.

But you know what? One day it will, and then I’ll plaster the walls of my multi-million dollar mansion (thanks to my 7,000 book deal) with every rejection letter, email, and smoke signal ever received.

Or not.

Either way, rejection can’t kill you. Oh, it can sting and make you cry like a little kid, but it won’t kill you. You will live on to stare at a blank screen. To wonder how to arrange the perfect scene. To stage the perfect murder. To write another manuscript about vampire girl scouts with the ability to sell cookies at lightening speed.

When your next rejection letter comes, and it will, even famous authors are rejected sometimes, open it up, read it slowly aloud in your best I SUCK voice, and hit delete. Then pop open your word processor, and start writing...

‘It was the best of times, it was the worst of times for selling cookies. Thin Mints won’t sell themselves...’ I think I’m on to something...

April 2011...

You SUCK! Part II

Alas, I wasn’t onto anything. But as I sit at my computer, today, right now, this very minute, I can say that a lot has changed in one year. Sure, the Girl Scout, one armed serial killer thing didn’t quite work out, but a couple of other books did. As I write this post, I am finally a published author; in fact, by this time next year I will have three books in print, with a fourth on its way. I’m not saying this to brag. I swear. Okay, maybe just so you'll like me...

But really I’m telling you this because realizing your publication dream can take a split second, a chance encounter, a bit of luck. For so long I thought that I sucked and had the rejections to prove it (and while I still suck in plenty of ways), I don’t suck at telling a story. And neither do you. So take a chance, send out that 1035th query letter, risk it all, because you too can be writing from your freshly purchased mansion decorated in rejection letters.

Okay, more like a cardboard box under a viaduct off Speer, but that’s not the point, persistence makes us great writers (and stalkers). So keep trying until Janet Reid has to take a restraining order out on you! BTW, anyone know a good lawyer?