Be a Star: How Humor Can be the Angle

I heard an old song the other day with lyrics that, to me, sum up publishing deals. New York Times Bestsellers and multi-published authors, feel free to weigh in. Do you agree? Check it out:


I've had to pay my price.

The things I did not know at first,

I learned by doin' twice.

Ah, but still they come to haunt me,

Still they want their say.

So I've learned to dance

With a hand in my pants,

And they rub my neck,

And I write 'em a check,

And they go their merry way.

Chances are you recognize the words to Billy Joel’s The Entertainer. In it, he’s talking about the music industry. Still, there are similarities with what Billy weathered and the reality of publishing. And that’s the point to all these Be a Star postings—the book biz is show biz.

Authors usually make a few mistakes and have to learn from them. No matter how big you get, editors and agents will have their say. I don’t know about you, but I’ve had to learn to dance in a much different albeit figurative style than I did when I started out. And then of course, you’re going to hand over a royalty check one way or another.

It would be nice to proclaim an objective for success in the entertainment industry then plot out a bunch of steps to achieve it. Rarely do I ever hear of such a journey. It’s more like: the artist settles for whatever he or she can get just to build credentials and ultimately the business winds up using them however it wishes. That’s why you got to love what you’re doing.

Take, for instance, the phenomenal Jamie Foxx—Oscar and Grammy winner, mind you. This guy is so freakin’ talented. Singer, musician, actor, athlete (that’s right, he was a quarterback) and comedian. One would think all he had to do was jam on piano and wail that amazing voice to ‘make it’, but he got his break through comedy.

And he had to dance with a hand in his pants just for that.

Eric Marlon Bishop chose the last part of his stage name in homage to Redd Foxx. The ‘Jamie’ part came about because Eric noticed at a comedy open mic night that women were usually being called up first to perform. So he wisely adopted an androgynous first name.

For grins, I just have to throw this in here as well. Oscar winner Tom Hanks was a stand-up comedian. Kevin Spacey (yep, another Oscar winner) did comedy too.

In a candid interview, Jim Carrey said, “People kept telling me ‘this is going to be your big break’ every time I’d get a part.” Perhaps you recall that he had a major role in the film Once Bitten in 1985. When that happens, a star is on their way up, right? Well, it took 9 more years before Ace Ventura really launched his career. As an author looking for my big break, stories like Carrey’s help me to keep perspective.

We writers long to have audiences pay us to tell them stories. Of course it’s going to be competitive. You’ll have to fight to win them over.

Gusto Dave is an urban fantasy and YA western steampunk author represented by the Belcastro Agency

Paul is a Real Estate Novelist

Posted by Gst Dv Jcksn (experimenting with consonants only)

"Paul is a real estate novelist who never had time for a wife
And he’s talkin’ with Davey who’s still in the Navy and probably will be for life."

(Billy Joel, Piano Man)

True, I’m partial to this tune a little bit because I’m Davey and I did a stint in the maritime branch of the military—even though the hit climbed the charts a good 15 years before I enlisted. But I do have a more profound point. Besides wanting to get drunk and sing along to Bill’s anthem, I’m always captured by the part about the novelist. Like you, I first wonder what the hell a real estate novelist is, but then I zero in on just novelist.

It always rings in my thoughts after hearing the sweet lyrics that you rarely hear the word novelist anymore. I can’t think of one published pal that refers to him or herself as a novelist.

Is it because the term carries a snobby stigma? Is it like proclaiming that you’re Wile E. Coyote…genius? Typically, books still state novel on them somewhere. In fact, that can be quite annoying—a stack of pages wrapped in a cover, bearing a title: “The blankety blank blank…a novel.” Well of course it’s a novel, did they think we’d confuse it with a toilet plunger? So if the work goes out of its way to remind us that it’s a novel, why wouldn’t the proud parent tout this profession on business cards?

Often times, we hear the occupational label of writer. Rocky Mountain Fiction Writers, Mystery Writers of America, Romance Writers of America, Paperback Writer. This is only okay if we agree that it’s acceptable to also refer to a pianist as a key puncher. EVERYBODY writes. Look at the guy next to you in the grocery store, he’s writing on his phone (albeit in undecipherable code to the 40 and over crowd) while buying diapers. Saying that we’re merely writers is like calling an athlete a breather. Of course she’s breathing while sweating out the 10k marathon, but she’s doing way more than just that.

So are we.

Novelists must be storytellers, grammarians, investors, students, entertainers, cool word choosers, self disciplinarians, money managers, computer techs, publicists, and of course…writers. And this probably isn’t even the entire list.

I’ve probably punched enough keys to rouse your thoughts. I’m going to go back to just breathing for a while.