Tuesday, August 13, 2013

What Would You Do With the Wealth?

Surely, you’ve dreamt of creating something that becomes so successful you slide into the company of luminaries—or maybe they should be called enterprise moguls—like JK Rowling, Stephen King, Stephanie Meyer, James Patterson, Dan Brown and so on (being a writer and with my novel Tattoo Rampage being shopped around in Hollywood, I think of author success stories). Whereas all the writers I know are buttoned-down, hard working raconteurs, I’m still pretty sure the trappings of fame cross their minds every once in a while.

So let’s have some fun. What would you do if you hit it big?

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I’m definitely not a materialistic kind of guy. I like food, parties, and adventure. Beyond that, I don’t spend much money. I’m a tight wad. But I conjured up 10 things. For the life of me, I couldn’t come up with more gotta-haves than that. So, since I’ve instigated this, I’ll go first.

1. Start a foundation that pays teachers (perhaps some that have been laid off in the recent economic downturn) to help dropouts learn to read and do math. The teachers could also help students who are still in school but might be in jeopardy. And I’d pay them more than state salary.

2. Hire a guy or gal for a full time position to: drive so I can go have a few beers with the boys without fear of the cops pulling me over, cut my hair, cook and clean. This isn’t really a butler/chef kind of gig. No fancy cars or exotic foods. If you’d like to apply for the job, you better have a sense of humor.

3. Buy a swimming pool so instead of running, I could swim the rest of my life and never have to share the lap lane with those showoffs at the recreation center.

4. Oh yeah, that guy or gal I hired would have to maintain the pool.

5. I’d build a Godfathers Pizza close by and have one of my friends run it. But they’d have to open it any time I called. They serve beer don’t they?

6. Harley Davidson. Cliché I know, but I’ve always wanted one. I’d probably buy some for friends as well.

7. See if I can buy some time. Seems I never have any to spare.

8. Start a T shirt business.

9. Go to a different country at least once a year for the next 10 years.

10. At last, I suppose if I had that much money, I’d be invited to hang out with big stars like: Peyton Manning, Kathy Sabine, Governor Hickenlooper, Robert Redford, Bugs Bunny, Willie Nelson, Mayor Hancock, John Elway, Hippie Man, that bear that always wanders into a foothill town and scares the residents, Susan Spann, Anne Trujillo, Phil Anschutz, Pete Coors, Burger King (the one with the creepy mask), Jim Tracy, Janet Fogg, Chauncey Billips, Steven Spielberg, leprechauns, Joe Sakic, The Fray, Chuck Palahniuk, Johnny Depp—he supposedly has a house in Evergreen, Duffman, Garrison Keillor, Rick Steves, Elvira, Alfred E. Neuman, Esri Allbritten, Condalisa Rice (I just love saying her name), Morgan Freeman, the giant bronco at DIA, Sophia Vergara, Olympians from the training center in the Springs, Conan O’brien, the Hulk, George Lucas, Seth Macfarlane, Daven Anderson, the tooth fairy—he owes me money, Lady Gaga, Tina Fey, tattoos come-to-life, my agents Sharon Belcastro and Ella Marie Shupe, Stephen King, Animal…you know...the drummer from Dr. Teeth’s Electric Mayhem on the Muppets, Pecos Bill, that ventriloquist dummy that always tries to jump out and scare me, Disco Duck…

Somehow I lost track of what this was about. Oh yeah, what would do with your riches?

Gusto Dave Jackson


Esri Rose said...

We're talking super wealth, yeah? First, to forestall any "what a selfish jerk" comments, I will give vast sums of money to something involving civil rights. Or chimps. Or civil rights for chimps. Moving on...

1) Pay Neil Patrick Harris to be my friend. He can bring his spouse, but the twins stay at home.

2) Nothing says "personal transport" like a blimp. The lighted banner on the side will display quotes from my books.

3) Servants out the yin yang. They will be required to sing all their questions to me.

4) Bouncy castle shaped like Hogwarts. This has been done (http://inflatablemontreal.com/bouncing-inflatable-rentals/bouncy-castle-harry), but mine will be life-sized.

5) Around town, I want to ride in a Roman chariot pulled by politicians who have been involved in sex scandals. If they don't get through the intersection on the yellow light, they WILL be flogged.

Anonymous said...

Well even I want to hang out with DIA's Blue Mustang and Disco Duck.

Blue Mustang is featured in my novel, and Disco Duck could autograph my vinyl LP of his...

Sisters of the Quill said...

Esri, you are bad so bad. I have very simple needs.
1) get a new lawn mower (ours works but hey, I'd love a new one anyway - or a sharpening and tune up that we don't have to do
2) Nice gifts for everyone I love
3) my own publishing company that someone else runs for me, and a distributer along with it (probably just buy a couple of the biggies out from under them)
4) open a great indie bookstore - maybe even a Tattered Cover in Boulder Country somewhere
5) Seed money for any entrepreneurial endeavor that strikes my hubby's fancy
6) A housekeeper and occasional personal cook
7) hire a great director/production co. to make all my scripts into films
Yeah... simple desires.